The Coach Daniel Ratner Podcast
Coach Ratner is not a matchmaker, but a MateMaker. With 7 books under his belt, Coach Ratner is an accomplished author and sought-after speaker on topics such as relationships, self-esteem and spirituality. His unique insights and captivating speaking style have helped countless individuals achieve their goals and transform their lives.
The Coach Daniel Ratner Podcast
When Hot Fades & the Heart Stays, Everyday's a Sunny Day
Hey, welcome to Coach Talks. I'm Coach Daniel Ratner, and today we're gonna discuss the three questions you must ask before you decide to marry someone. Today we're gonna focus on question number one. Question number one is Am I physically attracted to the person? Which you might say is not a stupid question, shouldn't I already be physically attracted to them? But you never know. Some people go out to some people and they they love the person, they think they love the person, but you know, maybe they're overweight, maybe they don't like their makeup, whatever it is, and they're not sure if they're physically attractive. But here's the problem, and that people don't quite understand. That the more you know someone you like, the better looking they get. And the same exact opposite is true. The more you know someone you don't like, the uglier they get. For every hot guy walking down the street, for every beautiful woman walking down the street, there's someone who is sick of them. And that's the idea in dating. This is why you have to have what's called the three-date rule. This states that you need to, at least when you're going with someone on a date for the first time, you have what's called first date bias, which means all you have to go on is what they look like. If they look great, more likely there's gonna be a second date. If they don't look so good, there's less likely to be a second date. The problem is you can be missing out on the most amazing emotional connection with someone in your life because you're not giving them a chance. And this is why I say you have obviously on a first date, you know, if they weigh 500 pounds or they pick their nose, they don't stop talking about their mother or their ex-girlfriends or boyfriends, don't go out with them again, right? But you have to give them a chance. If they don't have those problems, give them at least one or two more chances. It's it's a general, it's it's a general rule to give them three chances. I remember I was in my twenties and thirties, and I would go out with people, and I you know, I'd be nervous going out with people. Most people are very nervous on the first date. And I'd go to a restaurant, forget pasta, forget pizza spilled in my shirt, I'd order a salad, forget the avocados because it gives me gas, forget the uh parrots because they get stuck in my teeth, and forget the salad dressing spilled in my shirt. If I'm like that on my first date, are you gonna get to know me on a first date? It's not possible. This is why they give someone at least three chances. And once you get to know them, and you like them, you have a great connection, and they listen to you and they understand you, and you do the same with them, you're gonna find them more and more attractive. And this is the problem in the world today is that people look at pictures like, oh, swipe, not for me. The problem is you can be missing out on the most unbelievable person in your life. And this is the issue actually with AI dating. The fact that, like, you're looking at all these pictures and you have so many options to you. So you swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, and you can miss out a great woman. When you meet a woman or a guy at a singles event, or in a date, or a bar wherever you're gonna go, or in an event, at least you get to see their soul. Obviously, the first thing you see is what they look like. But you get to see their soul, you have a better shot of connecting to someone. See, men and women look at each other differently. Men look at women outside in and then inside. It's like we look at the surface, and then we look at the inside. Women, on the other hand, they see the inside. They want a good-looking guy for sure. But for them, they want an emotional connection, they want a guy with a soul. Imagine you're with your girlfriend at a singles event, and you see a good-looking guy across the bar, and you say to your friend, oh man, that guy's good looking. And your friend says, Oh yeah, I know him, you wanna meet him? She says, sure. She takes over to meet him, and you get up to this guy, and he's six foot four, big muscles, handsome, got everything going on, and you start talking to him, and you realize body by golds, brains by teletubbies. That's how stupid. Is this girl gonna go out with them? Not a shot. Forget about it, that's not gonna happen. On the other hand, you can be with your buddy on a single event and you see this beautiful girl across the room, and you say, Oh my god, that girl's calm. I wanna meet her, and you can the guy goes, Oh yeah, I'm friends with her, I work with her at work. She immediately meet her. So he takes her over and he talks talking to her, and she realizes everything's going on. Beautiful, blonde, gorgeous body, everything. And he starts talking to her and he realizes that when God gave her intelligence, he gave her the brain power of a cauliflower. Is he gonna go out with her? Yes. Because he's thinking to himself, she's so hot, she's plain stupid, so guys, stop pity on her. I'm gonna take her out and show everyone how smart she is. So he takes her out on the first date, he loves the fact he walks into a restaurant with this beautiful girl on his arm, but he realizes by the end of the date that he would have enjoyed talking to the waitress a lot more. And by the second date, he's wondering if he's not the one that's stupid. By the third date, he can't stand her anymore. And the reason why is no matter how good looking she is, he needs someone to connect to his soul. And this is why that you being physically attractive does not make them physically attracted to anybody else. You might have been to a wedding of a girlfriend of yours who's really cute, and you go and you meet the uh the groom for the first time, and you look at him and you go, oh my gosh, she looks like Freddie Krueger. And the reason is you don't know him like she knows him. Or you might be with your best buddy, you know, and he's a nice looking guy, and you go to the wedding for the first time, you go to the wedding and you and you and you meet his bride for the first time, and you see her, and you're like, oh my gosh, she looks like Miss Piggy, oh my gosh. The reason why you don't know her like he knows her. The first question you must ask before you get married, am I physically attracted to them? Which doesn't make them physically attractive to anybody else. If you're getting married in your 30s, 20s, and your 30s, we're all good looking, they're all good, even guys who are average or decent looking in their 20s and 30s, but at the age in our 50s and 60s and 70s and 80s, when body parts are sagging and dragging, you still have couples who are madly love each other. Why? It's not the physicality, it's the emotional connection. And you can learn more about it in my book, Sunscreen Love: The Four Phases to Find the Love You Want. This is Coach Radner with the three questions you must ask before you get married.