Want a Soulmate or a Bedmate? Don't Waste Your Best Years, Or You'll End Up In Tears

Too many relationships drift for years without a decision, stealing time and muddying expectations. We pull the curtain back on why “we’ll see” is the most expensive phrase in dating and replace it with a simple, brave framework that keeps your future intact. If you want marriage, you need more than chemistry—you need clarity, standards, and a shared pace.

We start by drawing a clean line between two goals: dating for fun versus dating for marriage. When you’re honest about the goal, your bar changes. You stop confusing a good time with a good partner. We introduce the D‑E‑W method—dating, engagement, wedding—as a practical way to avoid drift. Set a reasonable window to assess character, agree on a timeline, and let alignment—not inertia—decide the next step. No ultimatums, just mutual clarity about what you’re building together.

We also unpack the comfort trap: how routine and physical intimacy can mask misalignment and lead to seven‑year situationships or marriages formed out of convenience. You’ll hear the markers of true marriage material—integrity under stress, shared values about money and kids, conflict repair, generosity—and how to test them in real life. The stats on divorce and unhappy marriages are sobering, but they aren’t destiny. Purposeful dating flips the odds by filtering quickly and investing deeply where it counts.

If you’re tired of mixed signals and lost years, this conversation gives you the words and the plan to move forward with strength. Press play, share it with a friend who needs clarity, and tell us: What timeline and standards are you committing to now? Subscribe, leave a review, and help more people date with purpose.

Chapters

• 0:00 Why Dating Needs A Purpose
• 0:31 Two Bars: Fun Vs. Marriage
• 1:12 The D‑E‑W Timeline
• 1:45 Comfort Traps And Consequences
• 2:29 Clarify Or Drift
• 3:20 The Odds And A Resource

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hi, I'm Coach Ratner. Today I want to talk about an idea that comes up in my life all the time. You have a young woman who's been dating some guy for six, seven years in their late 20s, early 30s, and they're not married, and now they've broken up. And the woman comes to me complaining, like, you know, you know, we didn't we didn't get married. And I asked them, why, why were you dating so long? And they say, Well, I wanted to get married. I go, Well, if you want to get married, why do you date someone for seven years without getting married? And they said, Well, they were just being dragged along. And this is a very important topic that if you want to get married and you're dating a guy, you need to set a timeline. So there's two things going on here. Number one is you have to clarify why you are dating. If you're dating because you want a guy to take you to the movies or get into a physical relationship, that's fine. Your bar is now down to here. As long as you take you to the movies and have a physical relationship with you, it's fine. But maybe that man should not be the father of your children. Just because you like splitting appetizers doesn't mean you should be splitting DNA with them. Now, if you're dating because you want to get married, you have a separate bar, much higher bar for that person to be. Many more different characteristics you need to have in your life. And if they meet those characteristics, then you can marry them. But if you continue to date someone without what I call a timeline, it's called due. It stands for dating, engagement, wedding. You need to have a timeline. This is how long I'm dating for. I'm going to date for whether it's going to be three months, six months, two year or two years. It has to be something reasonable where it's not getting dragged out. Because what happens if people lose interest, things happen, that you need to set a timeline. If you're going to go with a guy or girl and you're not getting married within, say, six months to a year, well, maybe you're not being really serious about being getting married. And this happens all the time, where people are like, oh, I'm dating for marriage, and next thing you know, they're dating this guy for seven years and they're not married. Well, they weren't dating for marriage. You gotta have, you gotta be strong and you have to have clarity in life. I am dating, if you're dating from marriage, I am dating from marriage. And if I go with a guy or girl for, you know, four or five, six, seven times, and they're not marriage material, they're not a person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, you need to end it. And you need to have that strength. And it's very hard for people because it's becomes very comfortable, especially once you get involved in a physical relationship. It becomes easy and comfortable. And then a month goes by, six months, two years, five years, and either two things are gonna happen. Either or they break up with you and you've wasted the best years of your life, or you say to each other, you know what? You want children, I want children, let's get married because it's comfortable and it's easy. And then you get married, and five or ten years later, you're in a horrible relationship. And the problem was when you were dating them, you didn't clarify why you're dating. Because you asked a typical 22-year-old girl in America, why are you dating? I'm cute and guys, like me, they ask me happy. Are you dating because you want a physical relationship, a guy to take the movies, or could you want to get married? I don't know, we'll see what happens. And what happens? Nothing good. So if you're gonna date because you want a guy to take the movies or a girl to do movies with, fine, clarify it, but you won't get confused when it comes time to make a decision to get married because when you start dating them, you weren't dating for marriage. And just because this person is comfortable and fun doesn't mean they should be the mother of your children. And if you're dating for marriage, you need to set a timeline. I'm dating for this long, and if I'm not engaged by this, I'm breaking up. Because you don't want to get dragged around like many men, unfortunately, more for women than men, they get dragged around and they they waste the best years of their lives and they end up in their 30s single. And you want to be like that. You have to be strong and set a timeline. But the key is to clarify why you are dating. Not just that we'll see what happens. Doesn't work out well. Sorry. You take a hundred marriages in the world today, half of them are out the window, half of them fail, which means they're divorced. With the 50 that are left out of these hundred marriages, how many of those do you think are in happy, passionate relationships? You're walking down the aisle today to get to get married, and you're in love, and you think that love's gonna last forever, you have a one in ten shot. You have a one in ten shot. But if you want to have a better shot and take those eyes and throw them out the window, you need to read my book, Sunscreen Love. The four phases to find the love you want, now available on Amazon. Thank you very much.