The Coach Ratner Podcast
Coach Ratner is not a matchmaker, but a MateMaker. With 7 books under his belt, Coach Ratner is an accomplished author and sought-after speaker on topics such as relationships, self-esteem and spirituality. His unique insights and captivating speaking style have helped countless individuals achieve their goals and transform their lives.
The Coach Ratner Podcast
You Don't Know Your Type Until You Actually Meet Your Type-Sunscreen Love Audiobook
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Have you ever passed up on a potential date because they weren't your "type"? That quick dismissal might have cost you a life-changing relationship. This eye-opening exploration reveals how our preconceived notions of an ideal partner often stand in the way of genuine connection.
Ready to revolutionize your approach to dating? Stop limiting yourself with imaginary checklists and start opening doors to unexpected possibilities. Your perfect match might look nothing like you imagined – and that's the beautiful secret to finding lasting love. Listen now, and discover how expanding your definition of "your type" might be the key to finding your soulmate.
You don't know your type until you meet your type. How many times have you tried setting someone up only to hear they're not my type? This often happens when the person barely knows anything about the potential match, sometimes from just a picture. In those moments, a perfect opportunity could be slipping away, wasted simply because of superficial judgments. There was a single woman who I crossed paths with on numerous occasions. I decided that I wanted to make a strong effort to help her find a spouse. At nearly 40 years old, her beauty was undeniable. In addition to her good looks, she exuded intelligence and was very passionate. It was clear that she had the potential to make some man very happy. I saw what I thought was low-hanging fruit. I had already had some success with matchmaking, so it's possible I was a bit overconfident. The first person I successfully matched was a man in his late 70s from Denver who was eager to be in a committed relationship. He was a dedicated student of mine, absorbing all the wisdom I'd shared in my dating and marriage classes. After attending a number of sessions, he asked if he could treat me to lunch, which I gladly accepted. After getting to know him better, I offered to post his picture on my Facebook page to help him find a partner. To my delight, I connected with him with a retired woman who had recently moved to Costa Rica. It wasn't one of the 1,800 friends I had on Facebook that would end up becoming his girlfriend. Instead, it was through the Friends of friends, the vast network that I had access to. If each of my friends knew just three single older women, that would have been almost 5,000 potential dates he would not have otherwise met. Finding a spouse doesn't need to be like finding a needle in a haystack you just have to make the haystack smaller or increase the number of needles. In this case, I successfully increased the number of potential needles in his haystack. My wife and I played a pivotal role in bringing together another young couple. We had known both individuals from various circles in our lives and we had a strong feeling they were meant for each other. Our intuition proved to be correct, as they hit it off and ended up getting married. Another couple that got married did so with my indirect assistance. I didn't directly set them up, but both parties acknowledged that without my help, they may have never crossed paths. The woman was setting up a booth in the old city of Jerusalem to promote podcasts, but she had poor signage. I offered to help her design a sign that would draw more attention. As fate would have it, the man who had initially turned her down for a date without meeting her noticed a newly improved sign. This encounter led to their relationship, and they are now happily married with a child. This was another instance of not knowing your type until you meet your type. After successfully helping several couples find love, I decided to help this woman. I was assuming it would be as easy as my previous attempt on Facebook. However, what unfolded next is the reason you are reading about this story.
Speaker 1:I received a message from a man in his late 40s expressing interest in the woman I posted about on Facebook. Impressed by our initial conversation, I decided to screen him first myself. Even though she had turned down several other men I found for her, I was confident she would not turn down someone that I had personally investigated and endorsed. I was very impressed by this man just from one meeting. Besides being very engaging and a pleasure to have coffee with, he had a master's in education. The most important aspect was that he had a job that he really loved. Now, from my perspective, the guy had a lot going for him. He checked off all the boxes I thought were important, so I decided to tell this woman about my find.
Speaker 1:I had a growing suspicion that the more information I provided, the less likely a date would materialize, so I did not show her a picture of him. After resenting the idea of going out with this guy, she uttered four words that struck me like a hammer. He's not my type. I couldn't help but wonder seriously. She hadn't even met or seen a picture of him. How could she just miss him so readily, especially when I was going out of my way to set her up?
Speaker 1:This incident prompted me to ponder the nature of dating. How many people who eventually marry actually end up with someone who fixed their initial type? I'm not aware of any research on this topic. Personally, I don't think my wife ever envisioned marrying a completely non-religious Jew standing only 5 foot 8 inches tall, red hair and working in the rare coin trade, a business no one has ever heard of. Based on my personal experience, neither my wife nor I were each other's type initially. We only became each other's type after we met and got to know one another.
Speaker 1:I believe the secret to almost anyone finding their soulmate is that they have no idea what their type is until they meet their type. How do you have any clue what your type is? What you may have is a figment from your imagination of what you think you are looking for. It's likely fabricated from your past, perhaps a childhood crush on someone with a particularly cute smile or certain hair color. That fleeting moment of attraction has shaped your perception of your type for years to come.
Speaker 1:In the 1970s, farrah Fawcett was a star on the TV show Charlie's Angels. Her beauty captivated everyone, including my junior high school peers who couldn't help but have crushes on her. I distinctly recall a classmate holding a magazine with her picture on the front and giving the picture a big kiss. It was a bit surprising to see just how many boys had a crush on her. As these teenagers grew up and began contemplating marriage, many of them still hold onto the image of the ideal spouse they had in their youth a blonde beauty resembling Farrah Fawcett.
Speaker 1:Some may even end up marrying a woman who fits this physical description. However, the issue arises when you realize that attraction based solely on appearance is fleeting. After a few years of marriage, you come to understand that there is so much more towards successful marriage than just physical beauty. What truly sustains a relationship is a deep connection on a soul level. How can you truly know if someone is your type just from a picture? The truth is you can't. From my dating experience, there have been many instances when I saw a woman's picture before the date or to find out that either exaggerated her beauty or, more surprisingly, failed to do her justice. So if you want to improve your chances of finding your soulmate, realize that you don't know your type until you meet your type. Now let's try to gain clarity on what kind of person will be good for you in a relationship.