The Coach Ratner Podcast
Coach Ratner is not a matchmaker, but a MateMaker. With 7 books under his belt, Coach Ratner is an accomplished author and sought-after speaker on topics such as relationships, self-esteem and spirituality. His unique insights and captivating speaking style have helped countless individuals achieve their goals and transform their lives.
The Coach Ratner Podcast
Why Rigid Criteria Keep You Single-Sunscreen Love Audiobook
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Finding meaningful connection in today's dating landscape often feels like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Whether you're swiping through dating apps or meeting people in person, the frustration can feel all too familiar.
Coach Ratner challenges our fundamental approach to finding love by examining how our restrictive criteria might be the very thing keeping us single. Through the metaphor of a child's shape sorter toy, we see how our rigid expectations create unnecessary barriers. Just as the frustrated child eventually removes the lid to simply toss in the pieces, perhaps we too need to remove our self-imposed limitations.
The surprising truth? Your perfect match may look nothing like the mental image you've created.
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Square peg into round hole. Many people in the dating scene often claim they are searching for the right person, someone who seamlessly fits in with their personality and into their lifestyle. However, this mindset can inadvertently create barriers that limit your chances of finding a meaningful relationship. So how can you increase your odds of finding that perfect match? By expanding your horizons and embracing a wider variety of lifestyles and personalities, especially if you've been dating for years without success. Imagine a one-year-old playing with a shape sorter. The child diligently tries to fit the appropriate shape pegs into their corresponding holes. The child has a hard time with this. Frustration may set in and he might remove the lid and start throwing the pegs in half-heartedly. This mirrors the dating experience for many individuals. Searching for that one person who perfectly fits your criteria can be frustrating. To improve your chances of meeting the right partner, consider removing the barriers that you put up that keeps you from dating people you may not have initially considered. Put up that keeps you from dating people you may not have initially considered.
Speaker 1:I've encountered many men in their 40s and 50s who remain single, despite being financially stable and relatively well adjusted. When I ask them if they want to get married, they all say yes. Yet I suspect some of them aren't being entirely honest with themselves. They may feel pressured by societal expectations to want marriage, fearing they'll seem odd or selfish if they don't. The real reason they stay single often has to do more with a struggle to open themselves up to love, either by accepting love or giving it fully. The same may be true for middle-aged men and women who insist they don't want to marry Deep down. They may crave a loving relationship, but use this excuse to avoid facing their discomfort with vulnerability. The desire is there, but the fear of being open keeps it out of reach. Another common issue arises when the same men present me with an exhaustive list of requirements for a potential spouse Dark skin, slender build, height between 5'4 and 5'6. An exceptional cook, wealthy and brilliantly funny. I can't help but wonder how likely are they to find someone who meets such specific criteria? Do you think they will ever get married? The reality is that they are building walls that prevent them from opening their hearts and inviting someone special into their lives.
Speaker 1:Case Study A 29-year-old single man visited me recently for dinner. Despite being handsome, funny and exceptionally intelligent, he struggled to find a partner when I suggested a few wonderful women around 25 to 27 years old. He shocked me by saying that he only dates women aged 22 or 23. When I pressed for an explanation, he simply said he wasn't attracted to women older than that. At that moment, I felt an urge to reach over the table and smack him in the face. I asked him what would happen if he married a 22-year-old woman In four years. Would he not find her attractive? Of course he had no good answer. His rigid standards were erecting an impenetrable wall between him and the possibility of finding a lifelong partner. Impenetrable wall between him and the possibility of finding a lifelong partner.
Speaker 1:Limiting your dating pool to a narrow set of criteria can severely restrict your chances of marriage. To foster opportunities, you must be open to various shapes and sizes of potential partners. It's crucial to let go of the mental image of what your spouse should look like or their career path. This also involves being less critical of others imperfections and acknowledging that you too have your own flaws. Everyone has them. Even if you believe you found the perfect person, that doesn't mean they are perfect, just perfect for you. This brings us to our next key idea, one that should be your dating mantra. Thank you for listening to my podcast. This is Coach Ratner. If you happen to enjoy this, please subscribe, like or share with your friends. The next chapter is you don't know your type until you meet your type. Thanks for listening to the Coach Ratner Podcast.