Love Defined-Sunscreen Love Audiobook

What does it truly mean to love? 

Drawing a fascinating parallel between marriage and the cooking show "Chopped," we examine how relationships require us to work with unexpected "ingredients" – the quirks and flaws that every partner brings to the table. While infatuation gets relationships started, lasting love requires deliberate focus on the virtues that initially attracted you to your partner.

Why do parents rarely fall out of love with their children despite their flaws, yet many are quick to divorce when spouses disappoint them? The answer lies in maintaining perspective. Everyone has imperfections, but love flourishes when we concentrate on virtues rather than faults. By keeping sight of why you chose your partner in the first place, you can navigate life's inevitable challenges together and build a relationship with greater chances of enduring success.

Chapters

• 0:01 Defining True Love
• 0:40 Why Marriages Fail
• 1:24 The Chopped Marriage Analogy
• 3:09 Everyone Has Issues
• 4:12 Focus on Virtues, Not Faults

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Defining love. Having already explained what it feels like to be in love, it is now time to define what love truly is. Why offer both an emotional perspective and a definition? Because when you ask someone how they know they are in love, they often respond with what they are feeling, which is subjective. Feelings can be powerful, but can they ever lead us astray? I'll let you answer that. The definition of love is the emotional pleasure you feel when you recognize another person's virtues and you continue to appreciate them throughout your life. To put it another way, everyone has idiosyncrasies, so you better stay focused on why you fell in love in the first place.

Speaker 1: 0:40

Almost anyone you decide to marry is eventually going to cause you some sort of pain. It's an inevitability of relationships To reach the stage of never leaving. You must continually remind yourself of the reasons you chose to marry this person. This is why only having infatuation for someone will not last. That feeling will eventually go away. You need the infatuation to get you started, but you will need it to evolve into so much more.

Speaker 1: 1:06

Unfortunately, many couples lose sight of the qualities that initially attracted them, allowing minor faults to overshadow their partner's virtues. Consider your children, if you have any. Do they have flaws, most likely. Yet no one falls out of love with their children. Even parents of serial murderers may continue to love their children despite their actions. You don't choose your children, but you are the ones that choose your spouse. So why do parents maintain their love for their children, regardless of their behavior, while many are quick to divorce when a spouse's actions disappoint them? People often get divorced because they lose sight on why they got married in the first place. There were reasons why you fell in love and you got married. What happened to those reasons? Over time, those reasons can fade into the background as you start to focus more on your spouse's flaws rather than the bond that initially united you. It's crucial to have a strategy that can help you to stay focused on why you decided to get married in the first place.

Speaker 1: 2:04

Let's draw a concept from the analogy from the popular cooking show Chopped on the Food Network. This show begins with four contestants vying for the title of Chopped Champion. They have just 15 minutes to prepare an appetizer, which is then judged. After the first round, one contestant is eliminated and the remaining three chefs face off in a second round with 20 minutes to create a main course. Following that another chef is chopped, leading the final two contestants to craft a dessert for the championship. The twist Before the competition starts, each chef opens a mystery basket filled with unusual ingredients that must be incorporated into their dishes. These items are often so peculiar that even experienced chefs may never have encountered them. Think crocodile tail, snake meat, black squid ink, dried crickets or snail urine Okay, maybe I made that last one up. The chefs scramble to devise a plan for using these ingredients in their recipes.

Speaker 1: 3:00

Much like the challenges faced in marriage, each of us brings our own unique character traits to a relationship, some of which may be unfamiliar to our partner. These traits can range from seemingly minor issues like laziness or impatience to more significant concerns such as trust issues, emotional disconnect or inflated egos. Often these deficiencies don't surface as serious problems until years into a marriage. A potential spouse might notice that their partner has a short temper, but may not deem it significant enough to end the relationship. Fast forward 20 years and that anger might intensify, or it may simply become more noticeable now that you share a home, simply become more noticeable now that you share a home.

Speaker 1: 3:49

In essence, we must learn to make a dish together with our partner, while we may be unaware of our own quirks. We also need to navigate each other's emotional complexities. Despite our best efforts over the years, some relationships can become strained when the challenges feel insurmountable. Remember, everyone has issues. No one is perfect. However, there is someone who is perfect for you. Real love flourishes when you concentrate on your partner's virtues rather than our faults. By adopting this perspective, you equip yourself with the tools needed to embark on a relationship with a greater chance of success. If you really want fish, love, go marry a salmon.