The New Face Factor, Dating Beyond First Impressions & the Dangers of Initial Attraction-Sunscreen Love Audiobook

Have you ever been completely captivated by someone you just met, only to discover weeks later that they're not at all what you initially thought? The phenomenon I call "the new face factor" explains why we're so vulnerable to making poor dating choices based on first impressions.

When surrounded by attractive people in social settings, we're drawn to the flashiest personalities while potentially overlooking genuinely compatible matches who don't immediately command our attention. This sensory overload is precisely why three dates are crucial before making any significant judgments about compatibility. By the third date, the novelty wears off, allowing you to see beyond surface attraction and evaluate who this person truly is.

Men and women experience this differently - men typically assess women from the outside in, while women evaluate men from the inside out. A beautiful woman with little substance might initially capture a man's interest, but by the third date, even exceptional beauty can't compensate for lack of intellectual connection. Similarly, women rarely pursue relationships with physically attractive men who lack intelligence, regardless of their appearance. The solution? Approach dating with a clean slate mentality, without preconceptions. Judge each person based on direct experience rather than hearsay, and remember that potential matters as much as current presentation. And don't forget - your face is also new to everyone you meet. How you present yourself, particularly through genuine facial expressions, dramatically impacts how others perceive you in those crucial first encounters.

Ready to transform your dating life? Start recognizing when the new face factor is influencing your decisions, and you'll find yourself making choices that lead to genuinely fulfilling relationships rather than fleeting attractions.

Chapters

• 0:00 The New Face Factor Explained
• 1:44 Intelligence vs. Attraction
• 4:19 Dating Without Preconceptions
• 6:01 Your Face as Others See It

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Beware of the new face factor. There's an issue I encountered during my single days that can lead some people, especially men, to make poor dating decisions the new face factor. Picture this You're out at a bar with friends and spot a large table of single women. As a single male, it's hard not to notice a group of attractive women, especially when they're all dressed to the nines. This initial excitement can lead someone to date a person they might not have considered in a different setting. Why is this problematic? In the moment, it's easy to feel overwhelmed by the sheer number of women you may initially find appealing, with hair styled in voluminous waves, enough jewelry to fill a Tiffany showroom, and perfume so overwhelming that even Pepe Le Pew would retreat. This scenario overload often clouds your judgment. While they may all look stunning, it's important to remember that each person at that table may have flaws. Assessing individual personalities becomes nearly impossible with such a large group. The energy of the moment, with everyone seemingly having a great time, can easily lead to a misleading first impression. This is like a child walking into a toy store, dazzled by everything at once. It's only when you take time to see each person individually that you can truly understand who they are. The surprising thing is the person you may end up dating or even marrying could be the one you barely notice at first. In the midst of a large group, with so many distractions, it's easy to overlook her. That's why the new face effect plays a big role, and it's one reason why three dates are crucial. By the third date, her face is no longer new, allowing you to see beyond initial impressions and you can truly get to know her.

Speaker 1: 1:43

When dating, we can easily be blinded by various factors, leading us to overlook significant flaws. The more desperate we are to find a partner, the more likely we are to dismiss red flags in favor of surface-level attraction. We may find ourselves drawn to the best-dressed, most outgoing or flashiest person in the room, but this can be a significant misstep. Be mindful not to let the novelty of a new phase keep you dating someone, even after you realize they have qualities you generally dislike. It's easy to be swept up by initial attraction, but lasting relationships require more than surface-level appeal. Trust your instincts when red flags emerge rather than ignoring them just because the excitement is still fresh.

Speaker 1: 2:24

Generally, men and women perceive each other differently. Men tend to assess women from the outside in, while women often evaluate men from the inside out. While women appreciate a good-looking man, intelligence is typically a non-negotiable trait. Conversely, men may overlook a lack of intelligence in a beautiful woman continuing to pursue her for her looks. It's only about after the third date that a lack of intelligence in a beautiful woman continuing to pursue her for her looks. It's only about after the third date that the lack of intelligence will override any level of beauty.

Speaker 1: 2:50

Imagine you're at a singles event with your bestie and you spot a gorgeous guy across the room. Excited, you point him out and she tells you he's one of her co-workers. When she asks if you want to meet him, you eagerly agree. Together you weave through the crowd to meet this six-foot-four Fabio lookalike. At first glance he seems perfect, until he starts talking. Within 30 seconds you realize he has all the looks but has probably never read any books. He has the body of an athlete but the intelligence of a bird. He's all looks and no substance. Would you date him? Not a chance.

Speaker 1: 3:24

Now imagine you're at a single event with your best buddy. You spot a stunning woman across the bar, the most beautiful woman you've ever seen. Your friend knows her and offers to introduce you. Excited, you follow him over and she's even more breathtaking up close. Then she starts talking and you quickly realize that God must have ran out of personality when she was born. Are you still going to pursue her?

Speaker 1: 3:45

As a man, your first instinct might be to rationalize she's so gorgeous, maybe she's just pretending to be boring to keep guys from constantly hitting on her. You convince yourself that once you start dating, her true self will shine through. After the first date you enjoy the attention and envious stare from you walking to the restaurant with her, but you realize the meal would have been more satisfying alone. By the second date you're starting to wonder if you're the one lacking intelligence for sticking it out. By the third date you can't stand her anymore and you feel a mix of relief and pity Relief for yourself and pity for the poor guy who ends up with her.

Speaker 1: 4:19

To avoid falling prey to the new face factor, approach dating with a clean slate and without preconceived notions. When you meet someone without any prior knowledge about them, you set yourself up to judge them without bias. Consider how your perceptions could shift if you knew a date came from a wealthy family or is known to be generally kind. Such insights could undoubtedly influence your interest and the outcome of your date. However, if you hear that your date has commitment issues, remember that they may simply have not found the right person yet, and that person could be you.

Speaker 1: 4:52

Have you ever read a book and then later watched the movie? In my experience and from what I've heard from others, the movie is almost never as good as the book. Why is that? It's because it's never as exciting when you already know the ending. The same logic applies when you've read a review of the movie beforehand. It takes away the element of surprise and the sense of discovery, making the experience feel less thrilling. I once watched Sweat Away starring Madonna and God Richie during a flight. I had never heard of it and generally enjoyed the film. Later I discovered it was deemed one of the worst movies of the year, grossing only $1 million worldwide, less than what Goober's sells in theaters. Had I read the reviews first, I probably wouldn't have walked it at all.

Speaker 1: 5:36

Not having any preconceived notions is crucial in dating. This is why you should date someone thinking they are a clean slate. Imagine your date is an empty whiteboard with nothing on it. Evaluating the potential of your date can be more important than how they are at the moment. Remember that geeky guy in high school that no one dated. He is now a gorgeous, successful entrepreneur. Plus, he has a heart of gold. You probably didn't notice that potential when you knew him.

Speaker 1: 5:59

One last idea I want to share with you is about your face. Your face is a new face to anyone you meet for the first time. How you present your face determines a lot how others look at you. How often do you see your own face? Definitely not nearly as much as others see it. Your facial expressions are a reflection of you. If everyone else sees your face much more than you do, that means that you better make sure it looks happy. Have you ever seen the picture of someone with a pouty face versus a picture of them with a smile? It makes a huge difference in their appearance. Not only is the new face factor something to consider for someone else, but you also need to consider that your face is also being scrutinized as a new face factor. How you look is how people perceive you, so put a smile on that face.