The Coach Ratner Podcast
Coach Ratner is not a matchmaker, but a MateMaker. With 7 books under his belt, Coach Ratner is an accomplished author and sought-after speaker on topics such as relationships, self-esteem and spirituality. His unique insights and captivating speaking style have helped countless individuals achieve their goals and transform their lives.
The Coach Ratner Podcast
Sunscreen Love Audiobook: If You Want to Catch the Right Fish, You Need to Put Out the Right Bait--How Your Dating Strategy Shapes Your Relationship Success
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Have you ever wondered why you keep attracting the wrong type of partner? The answer might be simpler than you think: it's all about the bait you're using.
Just as different fish are drawn to different types of bait, the way we present ourselves fundamentally shapes who we attract in the dating world. Through a compelling personal story about weightlifting and tight black t-shirts, we explore how deliberately showcasing physical attributes leads to a predictable outcome—relationships based primarily on physical attraction rather than deeper connection. When muscles become your primary lure, you'll naturally catch people who prioritize physical appearance, potentially missing those who might connect with your mind, values, and emotional self.
This episode challenges the common disconnect in our approach to relationships versus other important life areas. We readily understand the importance of professional presentation when interviewing for jobs we might hold temporarily, yet often fail to apply the same thoughtful strategy to finding life partners. The clothes we wear, the parts of ourselves we emphasize—these choices send powerful signals about what we value and the type of connection we're seeking.
By introducing the concept of being "attractive without attracting," we offer a practical alternative to the frustrating cycle of surface-level relationships. Modest presentation doesn't mean hiding your light—it means allowing your personality, intellect, and emotional qualities to shine brighter than your physical attributes. This shift in focus from body to soul positions you to build connections with substance and staying power.
What kind of fish are you trying to catch in your dating pool? And more importantly, is your bait aligned with your true relationship goals? Listen now to transform your approach to finding meaningful connection.
To catch the right fish, you need the right bait. In my 20s, I lifted weights regularly and I had a pretty decent set of triceps and biceps. I also made sure I did a good job of making sure other people knew about it. Whenever I went out with friends, I'd throw on a tight black t-shirt and jeans to show off my guns. I certainly wasn't a hot-looking guy, but I did attract a fair share of attention from women at social gatherings, many of whom I ended up dating. However, I found myself on this hamster wheel of continuously dating women that were not good for me. Were these women drawn to me from my mind or just my muscles? Did I put out the right bait to catch the right fish?
Speaker 1:If you dress in a way that highlights specific body parts, you will naturally attract people drawn to those traits. If you have big muscles and you dress in a way so that people can see them, the people that will most likely pursue you will be the people that like large muscles. The same goes for other body parts Breasts, legs or whatever parts you have that stand out and can bring you attention. The attention you attract will likely shape your social circle, often leading to relationships based on these physical traits, then those are the people that you will end up dating more often than not. Ask yourself do you want a relationship built on physical appeal or something deeper? Which foundation is more likely to foster a lasting connection? This is a critical question you need to ask yourself when you're going on a date, a singles event or just out trying to meet new people. Consider this scenario A young woman is preparing for an interview at a prestigious investment banking firm.
Speaker 1:She invites her best friend over for a fashion consultation. Her friend suggests a slinky dress with a revealing blouse, but the young woman firmly insists that she wants to be hired for her skills and qualifications, not her body. The friend then questions why she chooses to wear that same outfit when going out to bars and clubs trying to meet men. What this story is conveying is that the way you dress determines who you will attract. She wants to be taken seriously when getting a job, but a job is often short-lived. But when going out to try to meet men that you hope leads to a lifelong commitment, it's okay not to be taken seriously. What kind of bait is she putting out to fish in in the waters of a dating pool?
Speaker 1:Back to my weightlifting. Not only did I not meet the love of my life, I was stuck in this constant loop of meeting people who didn't connect to me on an emotional or intellectual level. I did not have the right bait on my fishing line. I certainly was really in plenty of fish, but unfortunately they were not my favorite kind of fish. I was catching gefilte fish when I really wanted seared halibut. I certainly didn't want someone who was merely attracted to my muscles. It was only when I matured that I realized that if I wanted to find the right person to marry, I needed to shift my focus from my body to my soul.
Speaker 1:Having an impressive physique might increase your chances of attracting attention, but will that attention lead to a meaningful relationship? Those who are drawn to you solely for your looks are often more likely to become part of the forced statistics. So what kind of bait should you use to attract someone to the real you? So what kind of bait should you use to attract someone to the real you? To let your personality shine and enhance your chances of a fantastic relationship? Consider dressing modestly. This means that you dress in a way that doesn't call unnecessary attention to the physical parts of you. It allows all the other parts of you to shine. You can be attractive without being attracting when you dress modestly. Your intellectual and emotional self will be the focus, not your body. It doesn't mean you have to don an armored suit or hijab. It just means that you're reserving the best parts of you for that special person. You will position yourself for a more meaningful connection, one that will lead to the phase of never leaving. Remember, you can be attractive without being attracting.