The Coach Ratner Podcast

Audiobook, Never Feel Unloved Again, Final Chapter

• By Coach Daniel Ratner

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What if the key to feeling truly loved lies in how we communicate with the divine? Join us on the Learning and Clarity Podcast as we share stories and insights from our audiobook series, "Never Feel Unloved Again," where we tackle the complex themes of prayer and divine recognition. We recount a personal narrative about the imperfections in organized religion and the essential objectives of prayer—help, guidance, and gratitude. Through captivating storytelling, we illuminate God's role in everyday miracles and emphasize the importance of building a strong, intimate relationship with the divine, much like the close bonds that inspire heroic acts of love and support.

Gain clarity and purpose in your prayer life as we navigate through the four critical questions represented by MEET: Motivation, Effort, Expectations, and Transform. Discover how aligning your motivations with personal growth and divine wisdom can amplify your spiritual journey. Reflect on the nuances of praying aloud versus internally, fostering sincerity and intentionality in your practice. By embracing personal initiative alongside divine aid, this episode promises practical wisdom and profound reflections that can elevate your spiritual connection and enrich your life.

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This is the Learning and Clarity Podcast. I'm Coach Ratner. We are continuing our audiobook of Never Feel Unloved Again.

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During one of the Jewish holidays, a prayer service in the synagogue was delayed due to the requirement of having ten men to form what is referred to as a minyan. There were only nine men, say. There were just one short. One of the men went outside to the street to see if he could discover some random Jewish man walking by to help. Soon enough, a man walked by and the congregant asked if he was Jewish. The man said he was and the congregant asked him if he could help make their minion. The man answered I'm sorry but I don't believe in organized religion. The congregant answered if it was so organized, do you think I would be out here? Recognize? This is part of the four steps to prayer.

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R-p-a-t Prayer isa, deeply personal act that is driven by three objectives. One is to ask for something you want. The second is for help or guidance on an issue. The third is expressing gratitude for whatever it is you are thankful for. Whichever you are doing in the first step of the prayer is just recognizing that there is a God who you are praying to. You aren't praying to a Buddhist statue, because a figurine made of clay cannot do anything for you. You are not praying to a prayer book or a person dressed in a long robe standing on a giant stage. It is God, god whom we are praying to, a prayer book or a person dressed in a long robe standing on a giant stage. It is God, god whom we are praying to. This is the clarity you need to make your prayers real.

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Some people will spend anywhere from just a few minutes to an hour just thinking about all the miracles that exist in the world because of God. Some of these are our unique strands of DNA, black holes, the perfect alignment of our earth and our solar system to all the unfathomable connections and synopses in our brain that allow us to function. Unfortunately, sometimes we only become aware of this when we have a health issue or are in danger. There is an adage that there are no atheists in a foxhole. It is only when someone is in times of distress that they will be inclined to reach out to God. Since most of us live without imminent danger, the need to call out to God may not seem so urgent. All of the miracles we see every day become normal, and then we lose sight of it being a miracle. We chalk it up to being nature and therefore God is not involved. Therefore, we don't feel the need to recognize that there is a God.

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I explored earlier how close we are to someone when we influence the likelihood of receiving help from them when needed. We don't want to be in a predicament where you have to call out for help and no one answers because the person doesn't have a close relationship with you. Who would willingly dash through the flames of a burning building to rescue a stranger? The odds of such a heroic act increasing significantly when the person is in peril is your closest friend. Elevate the stakes further and there is no doubt in your mind that you would risk your life. When it involves a family member, the ratio of your willingness to face life-threatening situations appears to correlate directly with the depths of the relationship. The stronger the connection, the greater the inclination to assist and, if necessary, to sacrifice one's own life. Therefore, establishing a relationship with God will put you in a position of influence when it comes time for you to make a request from him. This way, he will be more likely inclined to respond easily to your pleas. Acknowledging who you are praying to is the foremost step. If you want to have clarity on prayer. You should tell yourself that you are not praying to a political figure or celebrity. Instead, your connection is to the architect of existence. This brings focus and depth to your prayer.

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Many popular movies don't especially mention God, even though spirituality is a central theme. Both Princess Leia and Darth Vader are always referring to the Force, although Harrison Ford's character, han Solo, is skeptical of it. May the force be with you is a recurring theme throughout the entire series. In the Avatar movie, the planet Pandora is ruled by the great mother Iwa, the goddess who permeates everything on the planet. Harry Potter is basically a movie about those who believe and those who don't. Muggles are those who don't believe in wizards, while the wizards have to go to Hogwarts to learn incantations, or what is referred in yeshivas and seminaries as grachas or blessings, just as Harry Potter says abracadabra. Its roots most likely come from the ancient Hebrew language, aramaic avada. Kadavra means I will create as I speak. Whether or not the Force, iwa or Harry Potter have to do with God, all one has to do is look right beneath the surface of these movies and see underlying spirituality, and Maynard is driving to an important appointment in bustling New York City.

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Looking for a parking space is weighing heavily on his mind. Having no luck finding one, he becomes desperate and calls out Please, god, I need a parking space so I am not late. He becomes desperate and calls out please God, I need a parking space, so I am not late. Suddenly, he sees a front bumper of a car start to pull away from the curb in front of him. In a split second, a parking spot opens up. The man pulls right in and then says to himself Forget it, god, I don't need your help.

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In this moment the man experiences the interaction between his immediate needs and gratitude. His initial plea for God's help is met with a quick solution. Yet the ensuing declaration reveals a common human tendency Once immediate needs are fulfilled, there's a propensity to forget about God. We would certainly have improved self-esteem once we recognize that God is there to help us when needed. That was recognize. Now praise.

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Praise can easily be confused with gratitude, but there is a nuanced difference. Praise is the act of expressing approval for someone's actions or qualities. It's like saying good job. Praise is used to enhance relationships and to help encourage and motivate others. When my children clean the kitchen. I always try to make sure I offer both praise and thanks. While thanking them is important to show my appreciation, praise will resonate more and have a better impact. I convey to them that they are doing a great job and are making my counter sparkling clean. The confusion between praise and gratitude may arise due to some similarities in their expressions of positivity and acknowledgement. Recognizing the nuanced differences will give you more clarity.

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The following story illustrates the difference between praise and gratitude the Super Bowl, a sports bookie and glory to God. One day, my rabbi's wife, lori Palotnick, was notified that she had $50 in an account of a sports bookie. It was leftover from when her nephew used her email address to play poker online. Laurie consulted her rabbi about the moral implications of gambling. He reassured her, explaining that since it wasn't her money to begin with and the bookie would not return the money, she could only use it for placing a bet. The ultimatum was clear use it or lose it.

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The Super Bowl was on the horizon and the contest was between the Philadelphia Eagles and the New England Patriots. Laurie was interested in the proposition bets because they were the most interesting. You can bet on almost anything, from predicting the coin flip to speculating who catches the most balls or even the length of the longest field goal attempt. What caught her eye was a choice of what the winning quarterback would say to the reporter immediately after the game. Laurie decided to bet on the choice of thanking God, sorry. After the Eagles beat Tom Brady's Patriots, the winning quarterback, nick Foles, was immediately interviewed by a reporter on the field. The first thing that Nick Foles said into the mic all glory belongs to God. Lloyd heard this and was elated that she had thanked her bet. However, her enthusiasm was short-lived. The next day she went online to check her winnings and, to her surprise, her bet was labeled as pending. A few days later, the website said that she had lost. Determined to rectify what seemed like an error, lori promptly called the bookie to challenge the decision. Despite her attempts to persuade them that she had won, they insisted on reviewing the matter. A day later, the website said no bet. They put the money back into the account and Lori was bummed out. After some time, she came to terms in her mind that they were correct in their decision. All glory belongs to God is not thanking God. That is praising God and not thanking God.

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It is important to understand the difference in order to have clarity on prayer. Ask this step in prayer is arguably the easiest since all to have clarity on prayer. Ask this step in prayer is arguably the easiest, since all you have to do is ask for what you want, but the challenge is in receiving the answer you want. Your prayer can range from anywhere from getting a date to desiring something as specific as a brand new red Lamborghini. Regardless of the nature of your request, it's essential to approach prayer with the clarity that you are indeed asking for something. When you make your request, it's crucial to have the expectation that God is going to give you what you want. If you do not expect the answer to be yes, then you are not praying with clarity. Why should you bother praying for something if you have no expectation to get it? God will answer your prayer. It's just that the answer might be a no. Sometimes, a no is the best answer for you, even though you don't understand the reasons why what you want and what you need become pivotal when praying. God will certainly give you what you need, but not always what you want. I want a Ferrari, but I don't need a Ferrari With low self-esteem in mind, understanding that God gives you what is good for you is a key element in increasing self-esteem.

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What do you need to get your prayers answered? Just as there are four steps to prayer, there are also four questions you have to ask yourself to get your prayers answered in the way you want. The four questions you must ask to get what you want One what is your motivation? Two are you making an effort? Three are you expecting a yes? And four are you willing to transform yourself? The acronym MEET for motivation, effort, expectations and transform encapsulates the four essential questions. Similar to having a meeting with God, this acronym serves as a reminder that, just as in any meeting, there is a specific goal or outcome you aim to achieve. In this divine meeting room, the objective is not merely to have God answer your prayers, but to answer with a resounding yes.

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What is your motivation for asking what you want? Understanding the motivation behind your desire is a crucial first step in the process. Begin by asking yourself what truly motivates my request. Is it born out of a genuine need or is it pursuit driven by the desires of my ego? For example, there are many people who want to get married but are having a hard time finding someone to tie a knot with. To gain clarity on what is the motivation of your request, ask yourself why do you want to get married? If your answer is so someone can make you breakfast and do your laundry, then you should hire a butler. They are much cheaper. Most people who want to get married are looking for someone to fill their needs. When you change your motivation from wanting your needs fulfilled to wanting to fulfill someone else's needs, then your motivation has changed from selfish desires to selfless desires. This will likely increase your chance of getting the answer you want.

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When your prayer revolves around having money so you can buy the latest fashionable clothing, it questions the source of your motivation. I always convey to my students to ask themselves whether you would still buy a Chanel purse, prada shoes or an Armani suit if no one else would ever see you wearing them. If the answer is a resounding no, it uncovers your motivation. Consider the underlying intention behind your desire for fashion. Is it primarily driven by the external validation and opinions of others? By honestly evaluating the core motivation, you gain insight into whether your aspirations are centered on personal satisfaction or external approval. This thoughtful awareness can guide your prayers to be more authentic, leading to more meaningful and satisfying outcomes. Consider applying the same question to the desire for an expensive luxury sedan or sports car. Will you still buy one if no one ever sees you drive it? This scenario aligns with the central theme highlighted earlier in the book. The greatest prison you can put yourself in is worrying about what other people think of you. If the motivation behind desiring an expensive sports car is solely to attract more dates, this motivation may lack some sincerity. In such cases, the likelihood of receiving the fancy car you asked for in your prayers diminishes. By striving for motivations rooted in authenticity, you increase the probability of your prayers diminishes. By striving for motivations rooted in authenticity, you increase the probability of your prayers being met with a yes.

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Are you making an effort? Are you actively putting in the effort needed to complement your prayers? The adage God helps those who help themselves underscores the importance of your own effort. Imagine an acquaintance at your office gets a few people from work to help them move as you are lugging boxes and furniture for hours. The recipient of the move is on the phone the whole time, not even lifting a box. You're probably very annoyed because you feel like you're being taken advantage of. What are you going to tell them the next time they ask for your help? Most likely you'll tell them to take a hike. The same is true for your prayers. By actively contributing for whatever it is you want, you create a partnership, increasing the odds of you getting the help in the future.

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Another way to help with your effort is to pray out loud, in a quiet whisper, versus just thinking it out. You may ask can't God just read my mind? I've heard this question many times because it is more convenient when one doesn't have to actually verbalize what they want. The assumption here is that God possesses the ability to comprehend what you are thinking. He is God. For God's sake, shouldn't he be able to read your mind? The answer is he can read your mind.

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The reason why you may not want to pray out loud is you may feel kind of strange mumbling to yourself. You may feel like you're one of those people having a private conversation with their priest attached. At first glance, you think they are a crazy, homeless person who walks around on the street screaming to themselves. It is only after you walk by them that you realize they are on their phone. You don't have to pray out loud for God to hear you, but if you don't pray out loud, that means he has to read your mind to know what you are asking for.

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The question you have to ask yourself do you really want God reading your mind? I don't know about you, but from my perspective unless you're in the same category as Mother Moses or Mother Teresa there are a lot of impure thoughts that somebody could possibly have. This is not indicative of a bad person, but just a reflection of being human. Sometimes we can't help ourselves and have thoughts that don't really represent who we are as people. What is not good is if someone acted on those thoughts. So unless you want God reading your mind and all the schmutz that goes through it, it's better for you to speak your prayers. That way, you can keep your thoughts to yourself and if there is something you want God to hear, you'll speak it, even if it's very softly. Are you expecting a yes? Are you praying, really believing that he is not only going to answer you but actually give you what you want?

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Being authentic in prayer involves truly believing that your requests can be fulfilled. It's essential to recognize that God has the power to grant a wide range of requests, from significant life changes like bringing you massive wealth to smaller, everyday matters such as finding your misplaced keys or stopping a mosquito bite from itching. The key lies in having a mindset acknowledging the vastness of capabilities that God has. This is why praise is an important aspect of prayer. Knowing that nothing is too big or too small for Him increases the clarity in your prayers.

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Imagine a scenario where you ask your father for some money for a school field trip to a local museum. The school is asking each student to bring 25 cents for the modest entrance fee. The day before the trip, you ask your father for the money. In this situation, it's inconceivable to imagine your father saying no. His love and support for you to participate in school activities makes a negative response seem highly unlikely. This is how you should be thinking about prayer. God loves you, just like your father, and you never expect him to turn you down, telling his child for something so small. In a contrasting scenario, your father is the president and founder of a large Wall Street investment bank. Throughout your life, he has emphasized the importance of to you that there are currently no job openings. Initially, in a bit of shock, you tell the woman that you are the boss's son. She calls his office and then confirms with you that no opportunities are currently available. In both these scenarios, you should be shocked beyond belief that your father did not give you the quarter or hire you at his company. This is the feeling you should need to have when you pray and don't get what you ask for. If you are not shocked and you're not being real with prayer, god has the capacity to give you anything, and there is nothing too small or too large, from something as small as a penny to the most profound gift your life Thanks.

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The last part of the four steps to prayer is straightforward expressing gratitude to God regardless of the answer. Don't wait to see if your request was answered with a yes or no before thanking him. Thank him as soon as you ask. This demonstrates our trust that decisions are for whatever is best for us. There is an intriguing concept brought down in the Jewish Talmud that we should be thanking God for all the good he gives us and all the bad. This concept seems a bit hard to understand for some. Why should we thank God for all the bad things in our life? Thank you.

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We can get to this level by stopping to think of ourselves all the time and start thinking instead. The only difference between think and think is one letter Just take out the I and switch it for an A. The I means we are selfishly only thinking of ourselves and the A means we are thanking the Almighty instead, almighty instead. When we switch from what I think I need to what the Almighty gives us, what we need will be the catalyst to living in clarity. God will give you what you need, not what you want. When your knowledge of what God gives to us is good for us deepens, our positive self-esteem will then flourish. Naturally, that positive self-esteem will then lay the foundation for increased resilience. Then, the more resilient we become at handling life's challenges, the more it will eventually lead to our profound happiness. When we are happy, we will then have an easier time showing gratitude. We'll start the process again. This interconnected circle of growth creates a powerful flywheel, gaining momentum and spinning faster with each expression of gratitude, and improves our capacity to confront and overcome life's many challenges. The Flywheel of Gratitude. Expressing gratitude to God and knowing he will give us what is good for us will lead us to deepening our positive self-esteem, which will lead us to increased resilience at handling challenges, which will lead us to increased resilience at handling challenges, which will lead us to a profound happiness, which will lead us to an easier time showing gratitude, which will start the process all over again.

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My heartfelt wish for all my readers is that you will uncover strategies within this book that will transform your life. May these insights ignite the inner fire that has always been within you, waiting to shine Like a perfect diamond. May you become a beacon of radiant light, filled with positive energy that emanates love and warmth to everyone you meet. This will be your new reality a world brimming with joy and happiness. You will never feel unloved again. I want to thank you so much for listening to my book.

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Never Feel Unloved Again Symptoms and Strategies to Cure Low Self-Esteem. If you want the digital version, you can download it at coachridercom. If you actually want a book, you just need to find me here in Jerusalem or wherever I travel in America. I'd appreciate it if you'd leave a comment on the podcast or on the Amazon books, and please share this podcast with your friends if you enjoyed it. And if you want to leave a comment or a request for me to come speak by you, you can contact me at coachradner, at gmailcom or at the Living in Clarity podcast at gmailcom. Thank you so much again. It's been a pleasure reading this to you and I can't wait for the next book coming up. It's going to be called Stun Screen Love the Four Phases to Find the Love you Want. It's going to be a remake of my previous book, infinite Marriage, which is also my podcast you can listen to, but I need to get my voice back into that book because this was taken out by the publisher. We'll talk to you soon. Thanks so much.