The Coach Ratner Podcast

Audiobook, Never Feel Unloved Again, Chapter 10

• By Coach Daniel Ratner

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Could exercise be the key to unlocking greater self-esteem and mental clarity? This episode promises to uncover the transformative power of physical activity and spirituality in shaping our mental well-being. We explore how today's sedentary lifestyle starkly contrasts with the physically demanding lives of the past, often leaving us vulnerable to mental health struggles. Examining studies by Dr. David Linden, we discuss how regular aerobic exercise, like running or brisk walking, releases natural chemicals such as dopamine and endocannabinoids. These compounds not only enhance mood and combat depression but also boost memory and focus, helping to slow cognitive decline. Whether you're an avid runner or someone looking to make a change, this conversation illustrates the profound impact exercise can have on self-esteem and overall health.

What role does spirituality play in boosting self-confidence and personal fulfillment? We unravel this intriguing link by examining the impact of prayer and meditation on our sense of self. Discover how embracing spirituality or religion, even without concrete evidence, can foster a connection to something greater, offering tranquility and enhancing personal relationships. From understanding gender differences in spirituality to the importance of embracing belief, our discussion offers valuable insights into nurturing a relationship with a higher power. This journey encourages a shift in mindset, highlighting how prayer can serve as a bridge to a fulfilling, non-religious relationship with God, ultimately fostering love and gratitude towards oneself and others.

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This is the Living in Clarity Podcast. I'm Coach Ratner. We are continuing with our audiobook Never Feel Unloved Again Exercise why is exercise so important for building self-esteem? It used to be that, not many years ago, when we wanted to eat, we had to schlep water from the river, chop down a tree for firewood and then go out and hunt our favorite animal for dinner. Now, if we are just the slightest hungry, we just dial 1-800-DOOR-DASH and whatever you desire is delivered to our front door with no exertion whatsoever from Chinese to vegan to hamburgers and everything in between. We used to have to exercise just to survive. Now all we do is sit on our couch, watch Netflix and our dinner gets delivered to us in a styrofoam packaging that will outlive us by a thousand years.

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I understand that many people do exercise mainly when we go to a gym to strengthen body parts that we have no need for. Then we grumble and complain when we drive to the mall and have to park 100 feet away from the entrance. In most societies, exercise is just not part of our daily routine, unless you reside in a city like New York, florence or Jerusalem, where walking is a common means of getting around. This contrast in lifestyles underscores the importance of exercise in our daily routine, not just for our physical health, but mainly for our mental health and well-being. When our body is not exercising, our brains are lacking the ability to release endorphins, and then it becomes very easy for us to feel sad, depressed or develop low self-esteem. Exercise can help you to feel good about yourself naturally, without the need to take any drugs. Exercise is probably the most important ingredient you need to raise self-esteem. Not only do you feel physically better about yourself, but you also feel emotionally better.

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Our bodies produce indeed produce what we call and describe as natural drugs when we exercise, generally known as dopamine, melatonin and serotonin. I also like to call these free drugs because they have no monetary cost and they do not have any of the negative side effects of taking drugs that are produced outside the body. These chemicals play a significant role in our well-being. Some of the sensations like the runner's high are associated with the release of these chemicals during physical activity. This high can last for several days, during which your body and mind are in a state of harmony. While your body may experience physical discomfort and soreness, you generally feel fantastic overall. The feelings of elation often attributed to endorphins are, in fact, the result of various neurotransmitters and hormones working together to create a sense of well-being. So while it may not be solely endorphins responsible for these positive feelings, they play a major role in how we feel.

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Dr David Linden, phd, breaks down the phenomenon of runner's high and other effects running has on the brain. Whichever case ends up being accepted in the scientific community, it doesn't really matter, because the output is all the brain. Whichever case ends up being accepted in the scientific community, it doesn't really matter, because the output is all the same. If you want to have strong self-esteem and feel good about yourself, make aerobic exercise a part of your life. When you start out on your run, your body goes through a transition. Your breathing becomes heavy and your pulse quickens as the heart pumps harder to move oxygenated blood to your muscles and brain. As you hit your stride, your body then releases these endorphins. Although endorphins help prevent muscles from feeling pain, which is quite amazing in itself, according to Dr Linden, it is unlikely that the endorphins in the blood contribute to a euphoric feeling or any mood change at all. Research is now showing that endorphins do not pass the blood-brain barrier. That relaxed post-run feeling may instead be due to endocannabinoids, biochemical substances similar to cannabis, but naturally produced by the body. It seems that the more we learn about cannabis, the more beneficial it can be for us.

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Exercise has a dramatic antidepressant effect, says Linden. It blows the brain's response to physical and emotional stress. Besides elevating one's moods, other mental benefits include improved memory and focus. By making running or jogging or any aerobic exercise a regular part of your routine, you stand to earn more than just physical gains over time. Voluntary exercise is the single best thing one can do to slow the cognitive decline that accompanies normal aging, says Lyndon. As I mentioned earlier in this book, I started training for a marathon for the purpose of improving my writing and speaking ability. I believe that it plays a major factor in my creativity and energy level. Also, the type of fuel you put in your body will determine what kind of output you get. We have a saying in our house junk in, junk out. If you want to start feeling good about yourself, start putting good things into your body and start your day with a run.

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Following a satisfying run, it's uncommon to hear someone say they feel miserable. The post-run experience is almost positive, regardless of the challenges during the run, whether it's dealing with fatigue or heat. The sense of accomplishment afterward is overwhelming. The sheer joy will eclipse any physical pain. This is just like professional football players who can endure playing in blizzard conditions wearing only thin jerseys. Their passion for the game surpasses the body's natural aversion to freezing cold conditions, showcasing the incredible power of motivation.

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Although running is the most efficient way to increase your self-esteem, walking can also be effective. Walking just takes longer to get the same effects as running, and you need to incorporate steep hills at a fast pace to get your heart rate up enough to produce those mood-enhancing chemicals. Whether you choose to run or walk, make it a consistent part of your routine, be it outdoors or on a treadmill. It can yield tremendous results within a few weeks. The primary advantage is the significant improvement of self-esteem and overall health.

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Meditation or prayer we are now in the last of the 12 strategies for improving low self-esteem. Although there is not one simple cure that can solve this issue, what can be of no help to one person may be the perfect remedy for another. Hopefully, no one has to focus on all 12 of these strategies to uplift themselves, but a combination of several may be necessary, determining which approaches resonate for you and then spending your time dedicating yourself to those specific methods is the key to having success and increasing your self-esteem. If you are wondering why the inclusion of prayer or meditation is a remedy to low self-esteem, consider that at times, it's essential to direct your attention towards something greater than your individual self. Meditation gives the brain a chance to process and sort through thoughts, discarding any unnecessary noise. It is like talking to yourself through your conscience. Prayer, on the other hand, is connecting to a source higher than you. Instead of talking to yourself, you are talking to a divine power. The benefits of meditation can include reduced stress, improved focus and better emotions, which will lead to greater sense of overall well-being. Regular meditation practice can also lead to changes in the brain's structure and function, including increased gray matter. This neurobiological effect is associated with improved self-esteem, further highlighting the advantages of incorporating meditation into one's routine.

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Some individuals who claim to meditate may unknowingly be engaging in a form of prayer. They might describe it as connecting with nature, listening to their inner voice or adopting any term that brings them comfort, without identifying the entity to which they're communicating. The difference between meditation and prayer often becomes obscured. Between the diverse realms of religion, spirituality and a tranquil, zen-like state of mind. Prayer operates on a similar principle as thinking with others. It facilitates a connection to something beyond yourself. Just as a chorus relies on your voice or a band depends on your drumming to maintain beat and rhythm, you are playing a crucial role in something larger. This relationship thrives only when both parties actively participate. Being not just wanted but generally needed in order for the relationship to flourish is one of the reasons why prayer proves beneficial for addressing low self-esteem. It's hard to have negative feelings about yourself when you recognize your contribution is not just significant but vital. This could be one explanation why parents often may grapple less with low self-esteem issues. They have an awareness of being needed by their children, whether it's turning.

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Prayer or meditation both involve the recognition that the world extends beyond yourself. It's an acknowledgment that one isn't in absolute control of the world, so one may as well have a more relaxed perspective. This will help one live with less worry and anxiety. Excessive worry rarely helps a situation. Knowing this reinforces the notion that one is only in control of what they can control. Therefore, it is imperative to know that there are only two things you should never worry about. They are number one the things you can control. If you have no ability to control it, there is nothing you can do anyway, so why worry about it? Number two the things you can control. If you can control it, that means you can do something about it. Therefore, don't worry about it and stop using your excess energy or unnecessary anxiety and everything else that does not fit into these two categories you should really worry about, which means that you should never worry, because almost every situation conforms to one of these two categories.

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When you are flying on a plane, it is unlikely that you interview the pilot to make sure they are qualified to fly across the continent. Instead, you trust that the pilot has 100% certainty that he knows what he is doing. This trust allows you to relax on the flight, even during turbulence, at least for most people that aren't afraid of flying. Similarly, entrusting yourself in having a relationship with a higher being can bring a sense of tranquility in life. Placing your trust in a higher power provides a reassuring perspective, knowing that they are in control.

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I realize that if you are not a spiritual person, it's hard to believe in a god. This is generally the case for men, more with men than women. Men tend to think they run the world and everything that happens to them is because of their actions. Men who are more spiritual understand they are just a steward of the gifts that God provided them. Women often exhibit a deeper connection to spirituality, making prayer a more natural practice for them. Connection to spirituality making prayer a more natural practice for them. It's a reasonable assumption that a higher proportion of women actively participate in religious gatherings compared to men. I understand the reluctance to believe in a higher source, especially with the absence of concrete scientific evidence. However, we must also be aware that there are many beliefs we hold to be true without 100% evidence.

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I recall the time when the OJ Simpson murder trial dominated television for an extended period in 1995. Despite the belief that many that he was guilty, the fundamental principle in American law is that there is a presumption of innocence until proven guilty behind a reasonable doubt. If there is a reasonable doubt, they are considered innocent. However, there does not have to be 100% uncontroversial proof of a crime. Circumstantial evidence is enough to put someone in jail. That means someone can be found guilty based only on indirect and inconclusive evidence. No one has to see the murder. In the OJ Simpson case there was the famous glove that did not fit, which was a bit of ridiculous, because it does not matter how well a glove has to fit to be used in the murder. Additionally, when a glove is soaked in blood or any liquid, it shrinks about 15%. The biggest evidence that he murdered the victims, besides there being no other suspect, was his constant jealousy and stalking. Even him running away in the Ford Bronco was not enough for anyone to know that he was guilty of murder. Maybe he was driving away from the police because he had illegal drugs on him and had nothing to do with the murder. In the end, including the gaffe of the famous glove, everyone knew that he was guilty, yet no one saw him do it.

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Is it possible for us to believe in something without seeing it? Believing in something without direct evidence is within our capacity. The key lies in managing our cognitive dissonance. It's crucial to ensure that our beliefs aren't influenced by an outcome that we may find challenging. For instance, the reluctance to accept the existence of God might stem from concerns about having to become obedient to that same God. Even if you are not sure about there being a God or want to hedge your bets just in case which I guess is the majority of people. Praying will transform your beliefs. Once you start to see the results, it will start to be a catalyst to an even deeper connection, prompting a desire to incorporate prayer in your life more frequently.

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Praying is just like nurturing a relationship. The better the relationship we have with anyone, the happier we are as people. Fostering a meaningful connection through prayer can enhance our spiritual fulfillment, but the biggest benefit will be an increase in your positive self-esteem In life. We are generally as happy as our worst relationship. Working on your relationship with God will help you with all your relationships, especially with yourself. When you show love and gratitude to the one who created you, it will be easier to show love and gratitude to yourself and everyone else. You know, if you can show gratitude to God, it'll be easier to work on your relationship with the people that are in your life, including yourself. Who does not want to live a life like that? Prayer is a practice that enriches our lives, creating gratitude and connection. So when we pray to God, we are not doing it for Him. Simply put, god does not need our prayers. He has everything. Prayer is just for us.

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Imagine that a four-year-old walks into her house with a bunch of dandelions and says to her mother Hi, mommy, happy birthday. I picked these flowers for you. Would a mother tell her daughter that they are just a bunch of weeds and throw them in the trash? That is highly unlikely. But she may say Sweetheart, thank you so much. These flowers are absolutely beautiful. Let's find a special vase for them and we can put them in the middle of the table. I'm so proud of you for being so thoughtful as a mother. Do you need her flowers? Do you even want her flowers? Most likely not. They're a bunch of weeds. But you would never say anything negative to your daughter about the flowers. Why? Because you love your daughter and you want her to feel good about herself. Your answer expresses appreciation for the thought rather than the flowers themselves, so much so that you will stick them in a vase of water and tell your whole family how proud you are of her by accepting the flowers. You both love each other even more.

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Prayer is like you bringing God a bunch of flowers. He has no use for them, just as a mother has no use for them. However, everyone is happier in the relationship because prayer is about making a connection. Additionally, showing gratitude will help you to get what you are asking for. If you give that same daughter a cookie and she responds with a thank you but then says to you, can I please have another cookie? What do you want to do If you are like most people? You want to say yes. As a parent, you love it when your children say thank you, especially if they do it like they really mean it. It creates a desire for you to want to fulfill their requests and give them everything they want, as long as it's good for them. Maybe you won't give them three or four cookies, especially if it's close to dinner, but you will make every attempt to make them happy. These ideas parallel our relationship with God. God will give us everything we want, even though we desire it or think we need it.

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If you ever observe confident young adults embark on their journey into the world, they most likely had healthy relationships with their parents. Conversely, young adults grappling with anxiety and fear often trace their struggles back to strained relationships with their parents. Their parents might have been physically present but emotionally distant, or the dysfunction within their family dynamic could have hindered the development of a healthy and meaningful connection. If we want to go out into the world as confident, happy people, it's best if we have cultivated a healthy relation with our parents. Part of that relationship is gratitude between both parents and children. This is why it's important to forgive your parents if they were to cause your low self-esteem. If that relationship is dysfunctional, your life may be dysfunctional.

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Then there's also a relationship with the one who created us, which many people call our father in heaven. He is called that because without him we would not exist, even though we have parents who procreated and gave us birth to us. God is part of that miracle that made us. This relationship is not a one-way street, just like the relationship with parents is not a one-way street. The same as there is a proper way for a child to ask for a second cookie, there is a way to ask properly for something from the Creator. The key lies in knowing how to approach and articulate your requests clearly.

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Consider a scenario where God made himself known to you, for example. Let's say he appeared to you in a mirage, spoke to you or made a note to you without any doubt that he exists. Would this reshape the dynamics of your life? It would probably take away your free will. Knowing that there is someone watching over you would give you a bit more confidence in life, but also make you turn into a robot. You would adhere to any directive without the freedom to explore personal choices. Kind of like driving down a New Jersey turnpike. In about a half mile in front of you, you see a cop with a radar gun put in your direction. What is the first thing you do? Without any hesitation whatsoever, if you're like me, you hit the brake and then look at your speedometer.

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This is what is called not having free will. You make decisions without any thought process because of the anticipated consequences. That is like being in metaphorical jail. I highly doubt that is a relationship that anyone wants. Can you imagine dating or marrying someone that is completely subservient to you? Picture a scenario where every request or suggestion is met with a simple yes, dear. Unless you're a control freak or have narcissistic traits, you would not want to live with someone like that. The ideal partner is someone capable of independent thought who can make decisions autonomously. Seeking a companion with the ability to think for themselves and express differing opinions adds depth and riches to a relationship.

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Free will is an important part of being a human and is why we get pleasure when we accomplish things that we choose ourselves. Imagine building a software company from the ground up, transforming it into a multi-billion dollar conglomerate. The sense of accomplishment and pleasure derived from this will be immense. Contrast this with a scenario where a father hands over his son the same company on his 21st birthday. While there may be some initial excitement, the pleasure derived from this accomplishment would pale in comparison. True satisfaction comes from the choices and actions we make independently. The pleasure that the son receives pales in comparison to the pleasure that the father received. This is the same with our belief in God. You have to find it on your own, without coercion. That is why he does not come to us in our dreams or anytime to let us know he exists. You would then lose your free will and your pleasure.

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How do we know that pleasure is an important part of our life? I'm going to give you two compelling reasons. What is the number one factor that determines the decisions that you make in your life? That decision is based on one thing Will it bring me pleasure? Do I eat the chocolate cake or do I eat the raw broccoli? Which one will bring me the most pleasure? For most of us, the cake is going to win now, because it's a source of greater pleasure, unless the broccoli is stir-fried in teriyaki and garlic sauce. Our choices, whether big or small, are intrinsically tied to the pursuit of pleasure. People that understand how to live with pleasure are not struggling with low self-esteem. Even if you choose to go into the dentist for a cavity or root canal, you're only going for the pleasure of preventing yourself from pain in the future.

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Secondly, understanding the first place in the world where man was created will give us a clue. The first dwelling place for man in Hebrew is called Gan Eden, what most people would translate to as the Garden of Eden. The word Eden is just a transliteration of the word Eden. More accurately, the translation of Gan Eden is the Garden of Pleasure. It's not a far-fetched to derive that the real purpose for existence is based on us having pleasure. Or here's what it says in a place called the Garden of Hell, god gave Adam and Eve the free will to choose to eat from any tree, but one not to eat from the tree of knowledge. It's that free will that gives us the pleasures in life. No free will, no pleasure.

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You are free to choose to believe in him or not to believe. That's a personal choice. But if you believe that there is even a small chance that there is a creator, you may want to start to form a relationship with him. This will open the door to a deeper connection where higher levels of pleasure and strong self-esteem are achievable. Low self-esteem is not part of creation. It has just arrived from your own thoughts. This is why, if you can change your mindset, you can change your life. So how does one pray to the creator of the universe, recognizing he does not need our prayers? This is the answer to the $10 million question that will be a major step in repairing your low self-esteem. Prayer in this context is not only about fulfilling your needs, but about connection. This is why believing and praying to God is not a religion. It's a relationship. This is Coach Ratner at the Living in Clarity Podcast. We'll see you next time.