The Coach Ratner Podcast

Audiobook, Never Feel Unloved Again, Chapter 9

• By Coach Daniel Ratner

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Unlock the keys to living a more fulfilled life with the Living in Clarity Podcast. Ever wonder how setting the right goals could boost your self-esteem and dispel feelings of being unloved? Discover how the SMART goal framework can transform your life, as I share how it enriched my journey from marathon training to enhanced creativity. You'll learn the secret sauce to success: the three Ds—desire, determination, and discipline—and get actionable steps for setting and achieving your goals. Dive into the art of breaking down your ambitions into manageable tasks, maintaining motivation through flexibility, and making goal-setting a joyful process. 

But that's not all. Life isn't just about goals—it's also about fun and creativity. Explore the magic of turning everyday tasks into thrilling adventures, whether it's cooking barefoot or racing your kids up the stairs. Discover how positivity can breathe new life into mundane activities, elevating your self-worth in the process. We also touch on the profound impact of synchronization and teamwork, showing how being part of a winning team can skyrocket your self-esteem. Whether you're setting goals for future pleasure or balancing life's pain-pleasure scale, this episode is a treasure trove of insights and stories that promise to uplift and inspire. Join me, Coach Ratner, as we unlock the joy of living in clarity.

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This is the Living in Clarity Podcast. I'm Coach Radner. We are continuing our audiobook of Never Feel Unloved Again, chapter 9. Set a New Goal for Yourself.

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Setting new goals can be a powerful tool to combat low self-esteem. However, it's essential to acknowledge that simply setting goals without a plan can lead to disappointment. It's crucial to have set meaningful and achievable goals while having a well-thought out system in place. Keep in mind that the primary aim is not just achieving these goals, but to also boost your self-esteem and confidence. We'll explore two effective methods for goal setting aiming to redirect your focus away from your low self-esteem. As you progress on this journey, you'll eventually find that you've reduced those negative feelings about yourself. This transformation happens because you're dedicated to achieving something new and challenging. It's a fantastic way to boost your self-esteem and feel great about yourself.

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A SMART goal is the well-defined and structured goal-setting framework that stands for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound. Using the SMART criteria helps ensure that your goals are clear, attainable and actionable. Here's what each component of a SMART goal means. Specific your goals should be clear and specific, leaving no room for ambiguity. It should answer the questions what do you want to accomplish? Why is it important? Who is involved and where will it happen? Measurable you need to have a way to track your progress and determine when you've achieved your goal. Ask yourself how will you measure your success? What are specific benchmarks that you can use?

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Achievable your goal is to be realistic and attainable within the limits of your resources and abilities. You need to be real with yourself and ask if you can realistically achieve this goal. Do you have what I call the three Ds of success? And if not, don't dilly-dally. It comprises of desire, determination and discipline. Desire is what I am trying to achieve, determination is never quitting and discipline is being regimented. Relevant your goals should align with your core values and be relevant to your life or work. Ask yourself if this goal is worthwhile and is it the best time of your life to achieve it, for example, if you plan to get married one day.

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There are some goals that become irrelevant to your life once you have a spouse. Time bound you need to set a timeline for your goal, a deadline for your goal. This creates a sense of urgency and helps you stay focused. Ask yourself what is the target date for achieving this goal. Getting in shape by the end of the year is not a SMART goal because it lacks specificity and measurable criteria. Running a 10K race is indeed a SMART goal because it meets all the requirements of the SMART framework.

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While setting goals to write a book by the end of the year can be a feasible target for experienced authors, it may be more advisable for first-time authors to start with smaller steps like composing an article or a blog post. These accomplishments can provide experience and build confidence, making the ultimate goal of writing a book more attainable, especially for those new to the writing process. Setting a goal that you want to be married by the end of the year may be specific, but that does not mean it is realistic. Having a baby by a certain date may fill all the characteristics of a SMART goal, except it may not be attainable. These are all fantastic goals, but the problem is, if it does not fulfill all the characteristics of a SMART goal, then you may be setting yourself up for a letdown which will not be a positive development for your self-esteem. If you have problems getting to your goals, start with a very easy goal that you know you can achieve. Every morning, I will clean my room, make my bed and hang my towel up. If I can't do this, then you have more serious problems than this book can solve. Making your goals smart will help you with your low self-esteem. Does that mean you will always achieve your goals? Not at all, but that does not mean you still won't achieve something more than you did if you didn't set goals. My personal example is that I had decided I was going to train for a marathon. I did not set this goal for myself based on the fact that I really wanted to run a marathon. I did it based on past experiences that when I used to run, I had increased creativity and my writing was a lot more. And I used to run, I had increased creativity in my writing and was a more engaging speaker.

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Setting a SMART goal can be a tremendous help in your life. So here is another way on how to help you set a new goal for yourself. Five steps to successful goal setting. First, write 10 of the most important goals that you want to accomplish. Then take out your pretend magic wand and pick the one that you would want to have in 24 hours. Let's make the assumption that this is the one that will have the greatest impact in your life. Now circle it. Now the five steps. One write that one goal in a clean sheet of paper. Two set a deadline. Three write down everything you have to do to achieve that goal. This includes breaking your goal down to easier bite-sized pieces. Four organize it into a priority checklist. Five take action almost every day.

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I don't strongly advocate the idea of sticking to a daily routine for certain specific activities. Many experts insist that writers should write every day. I find this approach unrealistic because there are days when time constraints make it impossible. When you inevitably miss a day, the self-imposed pressure can lead to self-criticism, potentially discouraging you from writing altogether. I view writing, or any goal-setting pursuit, as a fluctuating trend. Some days creativity flows effortlessly, while on others motivation may be lacking. I prefer focusing on writing during those moments when inspiration strikes and abstaining when it doesn't. This flexibility allows for a more sustainable and enjoyable writing experience. This is similar to when exercise is part of achieving your goal. Something is always better than nothing. If you're going to run three miles a day, but one day you don't have time to run, run just half a mile or don't wear it at all and call it your rest day. Rest days are helpful in enabling you to have a better run. The next day you do run.

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Setting goals for yourself will help you to improve your low self-esteem, even if you don't achieve them. But at a minimum, make sure your goals are smart. Make life fun. Life should be fun. If it isn't, then you need to change how you view everything, from the simplest tasks of putting on your shoes to preparing dinner. The same is true when it comes to the topic of love. If you think of love as a game you like to play, like Scrabble, then you won't play it, but if love becomes a joyless endeavor, you won't play it. This is how you should live your life. You will generally like to do things you love and therefore your life will be an enjoyable one without having to manage with any low self-esteem. So strive to infuse joy into your everyday activities and goals, and you will avoid having to deal with low self-esteem.

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No one forced Mozart to study chemistry, and Steve Jobs probably wasn't passionate about grammar. Tom Brady probably didn't dedicate his week to piano lessons. They pursued their path because they not only found joy in what they did, but also because it's fun for them. The concept I'm sharing with you was inspired by my experience with Montessori schools while raising my children. The Montessori philosophy centers on allowing children to learn in their own unique ways. It emphasizes the importance of granting children the freedom to select the subjects they wish to explore within the classroom. In Montessori, all projects are hands-on and interactive, fostering a different approach compared to conventional elementary schools. In traditional elementary schools, teachers typically dictate the daily lesson plans, leaving little room for individual choice. Not every student is equally enthused about subjects like math, social studies or science. Consequently, some children may struggle to engage with the material and may resort to daydreaming, slacking off or, worse, misbehaving. The key takeaway is that what works for the majority of students may not necessarily be optimal for each individual. Multistory education focuses on a personalized learning experience that accommodates each child's unique interests and strengths. The thought of being a brain surgeon probably does not sound fun for most people. However, for the students that have the memory of learning being fun, they won't focus on the grueling effort to become a brain surgeon. Imagine how much more you can accomplish when everything becomes fun.

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As I am writing this, I am flying at 40,000 feet somewhere over the vast expanse of the Atlantic Ocean. Many people do not enjoy flying, but they do it because they have to. I actually enjoy getting on an airplane. I like to make everything fun, so I made flying fun. I look at the fact that I am sitting in an aluminum tube at 40,000 feet above the earth, moving at 600 miles per hour, while the flight attendant brings me a hot meal and soda or hot coffee. This is also one of the few places that I can write uninterrupted. Where else can I find a situation like that? I don't even care about how good or bad the food is, because I look at it as an experience, not a gourmet meal. So even though I'm sitting in coach class, it can still feel like first class if you have the right attitude. It was not many years ago that if you wanted to go to Europe you had to take a boat. Flying commercial airlines is somewhat of a recent phenomenon, so we should really be grateful not to get for granted, to make flying fun, have the attitude of gratitude at altitude. So I've managed to make flying fun and cherish the experience.

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Here are a few sample ideas of how to make normal everyday activities fun Cook without socks on, so when you drop something in the kitchen, you have to pick it up with your toes. You can rinse off the food or utensils afterwards. This works your coordination between your brain and muscles and also helps you to balance. I know this sounds a bit weird, but who cares what someone else thinks about what you do in the kitchen? What a unique way to look at meal prep. While waiting for an elevator or at a stoplight, estimate how long it will take for the door to close and the light to change. It's a simple game that adds a touch of excitement to routine moments. Try to put your socks and shoes on with your feet in the air and not resting on anything. When you're out and your shoes become untied, you can try to tie them without leaning against anything. This is not as easy as it sounds. These will also help you with your balance, which is important as you get older.

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Create little songs or ditties that you sing when going through a stressful situation, or even when walking, cooking or doing any activity. Singing brings joy to the heart. Consider getting a dog and teaching it new tricks, or get a dog and don't teach him any tricks. Either way, get a dog. You'll have more joy in your life, whichever you choose. When making eggs, make them into monster faces for your kids by adding veggies, carrots, celery, cucumber or fruit slices. Not only do they really like it, you will get pleasure from their joy while knowing that they are eating something nutritious. I use shredded lettuce for the hair, peppers for the mouth, grapes for the eyes and a carrot for the nose. You can be creative and you will find making eggs fun. Reward yourself with a treat like a bowl of ice cream or a glass of wine.

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When tackling challenging reading material, it makes the task feel more like an accomplishment. When going up a flight of stairs, race to the top with whoever is with you, it adds a touch of excitement to an otherwise mundane activity. For your knee challenge, try descending stairs using a few steps of gospel for each floor. Using handrails can make it safer and allows you to skip more steps. When you hear music, don't resist the urge to dance. Let the rhythm lift you up and allows you to skip more steps. When you hear music, don't resist the urge to dance. Let the rhythm lift you up and move you to the beat.

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While setting goals is important to get the most enjoyment, redirect your focus on the future pleasure that you will get from achieving those goals. If your goals are difficult or may be painful for you to attempt, just think of the pain-pleasure ratio and you'll be more willing to handle the pain. That ratio states that the more pleasure you achieve from something, the more pain is required to achieve it. With this theory in mind, you will enhance your resilience when you eventually overcome roadblocks to reach your goal. You just have to keep focused on the pleasure and then you'll be able to handle any pain. If you ask many parents what their greatest pleasure is, hopefully they will say their children. Then, if you ask them what their greatest pain is, more often than not it will also be their children. This sounds like a paradox. How can both be true? It is proof of the validity of the plain pleasure paradox ratio. Focusing on the pleasure in every aspect of life, while understanding it also takes pain, will make your life more fun and increase your self-esteem.

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Synchronize with others, syncing with others is a powerful way to uplift your well-being and improve your self-esteem. We feel good because we are collaborating with others, which means we are helping other people succeed. You feel like you are part of a coordinated group and that when your contributions make a difference, not only will the entire group will thrive, but you will too. This is why young people gravitate towards gangs. There is a universal human desire to belong to something. However, if these groups could redirect their purpose towards constructive endeavors instead of criminal activities, the world would be a much different place.

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When I was in school, from 7th to 12th grade, I always sang in a chorus. It always felt good to be part of something larger than yourself. Scientifically, the benefits have been proven to be as good as exercise. It calms the heart and boosts endorphin levels. Group singing boosts the production of immunoglobin, which makes your body fight infections. In hindsight, it's clear that individuals who sang in the chorus were very happy people. The prevalence of drug use was considerably lower than the other departments in my school.

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Join anything where you're a part of something larger than yourself, such as community theater, band orchestra, flash mob, swim team or anything where each person plays an important role. This thinking will be a welcome boost to your self-esteem. You could say, joining a yoga or spinning class could have the same benefits, but any of these classes would continue without having to replace you. If you left your course, most likely you would have to be replaced. The distinctive aspect of these groups is that they depend on every member. That integral part of being an important piece of a puzzle is what makes syncing with others one way to raise your self-esteem.

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The most successful sports teams are generally the ones where they practice together and spend their off-the-field time becoming a cohesive unit. We can see this in basketball, where one great player can make a huge difference on the outcome of the season. We can see this in basketball, where one great player can make a huge difference on the outcome of the season when that player is playing for his own statistics without caring about success as a whole team. That team usually never makes it far into the playoffs, even though they may have the best player in the game. When they are able to play as one unit, their game is elevated.

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These are the teams that usually win the championship. Of course, having the best player in the game and having a cohesive unit will most likely provide the best outcome. This dynamic of syncing with others is a powerful way to boost self-esteem. This is Coach Radner Living in Clarity Podcast. If you like this audiobook, please leave a comment, a share, a save a note. You can send me an email at coachradner at gmailcom or thelivinginclaritypodcast at gmailcom, and we'll see you soon.