The Coach Ratner Podcast

Audiobook-Never Feel Unloved Again, Chapter 5

• By Coach Daniel Ratner

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Explore the profound influence of our words and actions on self-esteem and social dynamics with us on the Living in Clarity Podcast. What if a simple smile could change someone's day, or a careless comment could linger for years? Join Coach Ratner as we navigate the power of facial expressions, the pitfalls of name-dropping, and the often unnoticed impact of the "you-don't-know-so-and-so" phenomenon. Together, we'll uncover how these seemingly small gestures can ripple through our lives, affecting both our self-worth and the people around us. By embracing compassion and understanding, we can learn to navigate social interactions with greater empathy, especially when dealing with individuals who might be socially unaware.

Shift your perspective on social media as we discuss its unintended role in fostering envy and jealousy. From luxury vacations to college acceptances, the online world often paints a picture of success that can undermine self-esteem for those who lack similar opportunities. We dive into the art of sharing personal achievements with sensitivity and awareness, emphasizing the importance of empathy in our digital interactions. By being mindful of how we present our milestones, we can foster a community built on support and understanding, rather than competition. Tune in to discover how self-awareness and positive interactions can lead to a more compassionate and connected world.

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This is the Living in Clarity Podcast. With Coach Ratner. We are continuing our audio book Never Feel Unloved Again, part 5. The Four Ways you May Contribute to Low Self-Esteem in Others. While individuals are ultimately responsible for their own self-esteem, we have tremendous potential to affect how other people feel about themselves. However, the most important reason for understanding this concept is to create awareness for ourselves. Understanding how we affect someone else's self-esteem will help us to have a better understanding of what affects our own self-esteem. You have probably encountered someone who left you feeling uplifted and great after your interaction with them. What made that experience so gratifying? In this chapter, we will explore how our actions and words can significantly influence the self-esteem of others. While individuals with strong self-esteem may not be affected by our words or actions, unfortunately this is not the case for many people. The way we present our face has an effect on people we interact with. How often do you see your own face? As a man, you might catch glimpses of it around three or four times a day, while for a woman it's probably more frequent. However, the people you interact with daily your friends, co-workers and family see your face constantly. Therefore, how you present yourself can significantly impact those around you. A smile is a powerful tool. It can uplift others and create a positive atmosphere. When you choose to smile, you often trigger a chain reaction, making others smile in return. Smiles aren't contagious and by sharing a cheerful expression you spread joy to those you encounter. In contrast, wearing a pouty or negative expression may have the opposite effect, affecting the mood of those around you. Being mindful of how you present yourself can embrace your relationships, can enhance your relationships and create a more pleasant social environment. This is a journey of self-improvement. This is a journey of self-improvement is one that we can all embark on. Writing this chapter helps me to gain clarity on what I need to do or not do to be happy. It's a reminder of the kind of person I want to be, someone who spreads positivity and upsets others. Just as I wrote books about marriage to cultivate an awesome relationship, this journey towards self-improvement is a way to nurture and enhance my own well-being. By focusing on how we interact with others, we contribute to creating a more positive and compassionate world. One smile and one kind word at a time.

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Name dropping how do you feel when someone engages in name dropping around you? Name dropping involves mentioning someone's name that you know, even if the connection is more tenuous than you let on, all in an attempt to boost your social standing in the eyes of others. It provides a momentary sense of importance, but it's not a sustainable way to build genuine self-esteem. This tactic may be a quick fix to elevate how you feel about yourself, but it's fleeting because it lacks authenticity. The reason it fades so rapidly is that the association with the mentioned person is often superficial. Since the connection is not deeply rooted, your internal compass recognizes the insincerity leading to a potential erosion of your self-esteem, leaving you feeling worse off in the long run. If you generally have a close relationship with someone of importance and find yourself wanting to mention their name, it's advisable to be cautious, unless it's for a specific purpose. Using someone else's name solely to elevate your social status in the eyes of others may leave you feeling as if you're exploiting that connection, unless there's a legitimate reason to bring up their name in a certain context. Refraining from name dropping prevents the impression that you're leveraging relationships for personal gain. It's similar to the experience of someone using certain drugs there's a fleeting sense of euphoria, but once the effects wear off, there's that lingering hangover that feels miserable.

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There is another similar concept to name-dropping that's particularly pet peeve in mind. It is what I call the you-don't-know-so-and-so, everybody-knows-so-and-so phenomenon. This occurs when someone mentions a person they know, assuming that you should also know them. This individual could be a local celebrity, a social media personality, or even a rabbi. The issue here is the expectation that you should know them, leading to a sense of inadequacy if you don't. What they may overlook is that your social circle may be entirely different from theirs. Personally, I've always recognized the negative impact of such assumptions and I've refrained from making that comment.

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Unfortunately, there are certain people who lack the wherewithal to understand they are dropping the you don't know, so-and-so. This phenomenon of making assumptions of who you know seems to be challenging with individuals that exhibit traits similar to Asperger's syndrome. This may be someone who is slightly on the spectrum without being formally diagnosed, while they may not meet the official criteria for Asperger's syndrome. This may be someone who is slightly on the spectrum without being formally diagnosed. While they may not meet the official criteria for Asperger's, their social behavior can still be awkward. They do not have the awareness to know that not everyone knows everyone they know. For some, recognizing subtle social clues comes naturally, while for others. It may require more effort and practice. Recognizing that individuals may vary in their social awareness can lead to more compassion and a better understanding of each other. When you are aware of the social awkwardness of others, you are less likely to let others affect your self-esteem, even though they have absolutely no idea they are doing it to you.

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The Humble Brag Robert Glazer, ceo of Acceleration Partners and the Friday Ford, said the humble brag is when someone makes a seemingly modest, self-critical or casual statement that is meant to draw attention to one's impressive quality or achievement. The humble brag often seems innocuous enough in the moment, but they can become insincere. When you hear that repeatedly from the same person, you start to wonder whether or not they have low self-esteem. The real problem is when they may cause you to have low self-esteem. Some examples are I missed my flight and had an eight-hour wait at the airport. Fortunately, I'm a platinum frequent flyer, which allows me to use the airline's private club with access to a hot shower, a place to rest and a great dinner, despite not sleeping all night. I, despite not sleeping all night out and not taking a shower I noticed guys still hitting on me at the bar. During my travels, I accidentally spilled wine on my suit. Thankfully, there was an Armani store nearby and they kindly replaced my suit.

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Here is the thing about the humblebrag. While it's often done in an attempt to sound less boastful, research has shown that it is more oft put than if someone just plain bragged about themselves. It is because it seems insincere. Research has shown that it is more off to put than if someone just plain bragged about themselves. It is because it seems insincere. As it turns out, humility and self-promotion don't mix well. We are better off separating the two in our communications, especially on social media. If you want to highlight your accomplishments or abilities, just be upfront about it. Weaving the bragging in between moments of humility doesn't fool anyone. If anything, it makes humility ring false rather than making the bragging sound softer. While everyone needs to promote themselves from time to time, our accomplishments are typically more impressive when we allow them to speak for themselves. Someone who is secure and has strong self-esteem does not need to do the humble brag. They can certainly keep the humble brag out of their conversations to help prevent others from developing low self-esteem, pressuring others.

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Have you ever found yourself pressuring others to accompany you to events or parties they didn't want to go to. It's essential to recognize that such behavior might be a reflection of our own lack of self-esteem, while at the same time potentially impacting someone else's negatively. Understanding why we fear going someplace by ourselves can lead to a deeper understanding of our own happiness, although this is not the case when taking personal safety into consideration, such as a woman traveling alone at night. Perhaps it stems from a fear of being judged negatively. By cultivating a strong sense of self-esteem and finding joy in being by yourself, we can break free from the need for constant companionship. This is also a major requirement to having a highly successful marriage. Loving yourself is a prerequisite to wedded bliss.

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When faced with the prospect of attending any event, such as a movie or party, I used to rely on finding someone to go with me. However, as I entered my 20s, I began to feel comfortable with the idea of going through such gatherings alone. This comfort with doing activities by myself probably stemmed from the many times I used to eat alone while traveling. I understand that not everyone can easily feel comfortable with this approach, as it requires a strong self-esteem to willingly place one's self in situations that many people may be insecure with.

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The discomfort of being alone may stem from the perception that having someone else with you somehow validates your presence or makes you feel more socially accepted. This feeling is not uncommon and it may be associated with concerns about being perceived as a loser or somehow inadequate when you are doing activities alone. However, it's essential to recognize that these thoughts are often irrational and not based on reality, but your own personal prison. Overcoming these feelings of discomfort when alone involves addressing them with two rational mindsets. Here are two helpful ideas to help you feel comfortable being alone while doing activities. Challenge negative thoughts Rather than assuming that being alone makes you a loser. Challenge these negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Remind yourself that being independent and joining your own company is a sign of confidence and strength, not a sign of weakness. Recognize your worth and value as an individual, irrespective of your social circumstances. Start small, if the idea of going to a large party or event alone feels overwhelming. Start with smaller gatherings or events and gradually work your way up. This incremental approach can make the process more manageable. By understanding the roots of your discomfort and taking proactive steps to address them, you can gradually feel more at ease attending events or doing activities alone. Embracing independence and building self-esteem will contribute to a more fulfilling and secure life overall. Then you won't have to pressure others or rely on someone else for your happiness.

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If you attend college in an environment where there is a lot of alcohol consumption, you may have noticed that people generally prefer not to drink alone. The perception is that individuals who drink alone may be problem drinkers, as social drinking is often associated well with friends. When someone wishes to drink but finds no one else in their social group willing to join, they may attempt to persuade others to join so they don't feel like a deadbeat. In contrast, someone who has already acknowledged their alcoholism tendencies won't face this pressure. They are comfortable with their reality and may not hesitate to drink alone. It's usually those who haven't accepted that there may be potential issues with alcohol that will encourage others to drink with them.

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It's essential to understand that pressuring others to join you can potentially cause them to develop low self-esteem. Also, realize that projecting our own fears onto someone else highlights how bad our own self-esteem is. Instead, let's respect other people and the choices they make. By doing so, we create a positive environment for everyone involved. You must figure out why you may not want to go to an event alone If you realize it is coming from your own lack of self-esteem, you may want to do something to improve it. This may inspire you to try to do something on your own for the first time. This boost of confidence will start your journey to a greater awareness and improved self-esteem.

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Posting on social media it's essential to be aware of how we share aspects of our lives, especially joyous events. You should consider what you want close friends and family to see versus your social media friends. Striking a balance between the two is important to avoid causing low self-esteem in others. While sharing your vacation experiences with your family is natural, it's crucial to be considerate when posting about extravagant activities or expensive vacation on social media with people that barely know you. Being sensitive to people's feelings and self-esteem is a prerequisite for really living with high self-esteem for yourself. Acknowledging that your vacation on a safari is not affordable for most of your social media followers is one way to be thoughtful about how you post.

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You may say that I am being too sensitive about other people's feelings, and you are right. This book is a guide to help you love yourself and live a happy life, so being sympathetic about other people's feelings is a great start to help yourself. Recently, when discussing this idea with a class of mostly college students, I was bombarded with comments about why should they worry about what other people feel? If somebody feels bad about being on social media, then they should get off. Why should I have to worry about what I post? If you had friends who were not as blessed to have that wealth that you do, would you share pictures of your enormous mansion with them? The same question arises when you know people have been trying for years to have children with no success. You would probably think twice about how you would share the joyful news that you were about to have another child. The idea here is just to be aware of other people's feelings, because when you start to have compassion about other people and how you share information, you will be more aware of your own feelings and be more likely to be a happier person.

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I want to be clear that I'm not suggesting that you stop posting on social media. What I'm suggesting is that you want to think about what they post and how it will affect others. Internal satisfaction, without the need for external validation, is one way to build up your own self-esteem. When we moved our family to Israel a number of years ago, we started a Ratner Israel chat on WhatsApp. This is where we post pictures of us at the beach or at restaurants with friends. The only people in this chat are our family and very close friends, ones that will not develop low self-esteem if we show our family on a yacht in the Mediterranean, which probably won't happen. Any ill-feeling and antagonistic attitudes that we may create will not happen with those closest to us.

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There is such a thing as causing an evil eye or jealousy in the world. It is best not to do that by showing off anything that can create it, especially your extravagant vacations, beautiful babies or brand new Lamborghinis. A more recent phenomenon that's happened because of social media is people posting videos of their gender reveals. It's great you're having a baby and can't wait for the only real surprise left that we have in our life the gender of our baby. Now it seems that it's proper to announce it to the entire world.

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Do you have the awareness that there are many people who would do opening letters from college admission departments? It is great to get accepted to a prestigious school, but this is something that also may cause others to have low self-esteem, being aware that not everyone can either afford or have the ability to go to college is one way to be sensitive to other people's feelings, which will help you to be more sensitive and foster positive self-esteem for yourself as a bonus. To be more sensitive and foster positive self-esteem for yourself as a bonus. This is Coach Ratner Living Clarity Podcast. If you enjoyed this, please like, share, share with friends and if you want to send me a note, great CoachRatner at gmailcom or the Living Clarity Podcast at gmailcom. I'll see you next time.