The Coach Ratner Podcast

Audiobook-Never Feel Unloved Again: Symptoms & Strategies to Cure Low Self-Esteem, Chapter #1

• By Coach Daniel Ratner

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Could the relentless pursuit of external validation be the silent thief of joy among our teenagers? On the Living in Clarity podcast, Coach Ratner, unravel the intricate threads of low self-esteem and its detrimental impact on the mental health of today's youth, particularly girls. Triggered by the alarming 2021 CDC report, we journey through personal narratives and scholarly research to shed light on how societal pressures craft a cycle of anxiety and despair. This episode is a heartfelt call to action, guiding each listener towards the liberating path of self-acceptance and self-love, illuminating the deep-seated connection between emotional and physical well-being.

The conversation doesn't stop there. We delve into the world of imposter syndrome, exploring its pervasive nature across professions from comedy to sports. By drawing insights from celebrated figures like Tom Brady and Michael Jordan, I illustrate how this syndrome can paradoxically be both a driving force and an obstacle. Offering practical strategies to overcome these feelings, I highlight the power of humility and the joy of generously sharing success. This episode aims to empower you with the tools to cultivate genuine self-worth, urging you to redefine your identity beyond professional titles and to cherish your innate abilities.

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This is Coach Ratner at the Living in Clarity podcast. Today we're reading the book Never Feel Unloved Again Symptoms and Strategies to Cure Low Self-Esteem. The greatest prison we can put ourselves in is worrying about what other people think of us. In 2021, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, also known as the CDC, released a staggering report that one out of every three teenage girls had seriously contemplated committing suicide. This is based on interviews from 17,000 teenagers. The rate for boys is half of that, which is interesting in the way they published the report. You could understand this report to mean that the rate for boys contemplating suicide implies acceptability or downplays its significance. Imagine teaching a classroom of 30 teenage boys and finding out that five of them are thinking about suicide. You would think there is something in the water or air that is poisoning them. This still represents an alarming high number that warrants attention For high schoolers that have actually attempted suicide and not just thought about it. The numbers are astounding 10% of youths in grades 9 through 12 reported that they had made at least one suicide attempt in the past 12 months. This is according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, based on the most recent Youth Risk Behavior Survey from 2021. I don't know about you, but these numbers are even hard to grasp. The prevalence of this issue has reached epidemic proportions. While it's crucial to recognize that all instances of suicide attempts or contemplation stem solely from low self-esteem, addressing the root of the problem is imperative. Encouraging individuals to cultivate self-love could significantly alter the landscape. The alarming surge in the use of antidepressants serves as a stark reminder of the severity of this crisis. I don't know anyone that has not gone through periods of life where they have had low self-esteem, but not to the extent we are seeing today. When does the issue with low self-esteem start? Usually occurs during and after puberty and can persist until our 20s and beyond. For many, it's when their mother asks them to put on a wool winter hat before going outside on a frigid winter morning. Most of us have no problem doing it. In third or fourth grade, however, a shift occurs and self-consciousness settles in. Wearing a wool winter hat to the bus stop suddenly feels awkward and creates a fear of appearing socially undesirable in the eyes of your peers. Looking like what we think is a geek in front of our students of the opposite gender is then outweighed by the discomfort of freezing our ears off the greatest prison we can put ourselves in is worrying about what other people think of us. This can be one of the most limiting and suffocating experiences in life. Other people think of us. This can be one of the most limiting and suffocating experiences in life. When we become preoccupied with seeking external validation and approval, we allow the opinions of others to define our self-worth and happiness. If we don't get those opinions that give us that validation, then this can lead to a cycle of anxiety and happiness and, of course, low self-esteem.

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Freeing ourselves from this mental prison involves a journey of self-discovery and acceptance. Our hope is that we will outgrow the feeling of low self-esteem and we will eventually be happy with ourselves, paving the way for self-love. Regrettably, this hope does not materialize for many. Because of that, the struggle with low self-esteem continues into our adult life. No one wants to have the feeling of being loved by others or by yourself. If you don't love yourself, it will be a difficult task to love others.

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I have navigated through phases of low self-esteem in various stages of my life. Unfortunately, for a long time I did not have the clarity to seek help or educate myself about it to overcome these struggles. Now that I do have clarity. I want to turn my mess into my message For those grappling with low self-esteem. My aim is that by the time you reach the end of this book, you'll find yourself on the path towards building positive self-esteem. If you're fortunate enough not to battle low self-esteem, I hope the insights within this book become a valuable resource in assisting those around you who may be struggling. Additionally, if you're dealing with clinical depression, consider using this book as a supplement to therapy and medication, working together towards a journey of happiness and joy.

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Low self-esteem is not something that the Social Security Administration considers a disability. It does not fit into their criteria for financial assistance like it do with other disabilities. However, the long-term problem with low self-esteem is that it has the potential to manifest itself as a physical ailment. The correlation between emotional well-being and physical health is reflected in the happiest. People tend to live the longest lives. Our emotional and physical states are intricately connected and can have a profound impact on our overall health.

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Low self-esteem is somewhat similar to darkness. Darkness does not exist. It is just an absence of light. Even the early narrative of the Bible starts with darkness upon the surface of the deep, right before the famous words and let there be light. It is obvious that darkness was there before creation, and the Bible even tells us that. How could anything have existed before creation? It didn't, because it does not exist. Darkness is just an absence of light. Black is not a color, which means any low self-esteem that someone has in theory does not exist. It is just an absence of light that has permeated the life of someone with low self-esteem. However, try telling that to someone with low self-esteem and they will probably throw a soda cannon at your head.

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If low self-esteem does not exist, you may need to change the vision of how you see yourself. By altering your mindset, you have the power to transform your entire life. Your city of happiness only resides in one place your state of mind. If you can change your mindset, you can change your life. The ultimate goal of this book is to bring light back into your life. Much like a small candle can light up an entire dark room, I hope that this book will serve as a spark that brightens up your soul, guiding you out of the dark place that you may find yourself in. Ultimately, I will unveil my 12 strategies that will infuse light back into your life. If you are not happier after reading this book than when you started. Then I have failed and I have no intention of failing. Your well-being is the driving force behind every word. I am not writing this book for anything or anyone else, but to help you.

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You may look at yourself just like a raw diamond rough around the edges, maybe a bit oddly shaped, full of irregularities and imperfections. A raw diamond that is transformed through precise cutting, with the correct angles, shape and size, is one of the most beautiful objects in the world. Its beauty is based on its ability to allow light to permeate it and to reflect its brilliance back out. You are just like a diamond in the rough, brimming with untapped potential. All it is required is careful reshaping of your mindset to allow the light to permeate your soul. What is exciting is that you may be the most beautiful diamond in the world, but your low self-esteem is hiding your inner brilliance. When you finally overcome your low self-esteem is hiding your inner brilliance. When you finally overcome your low self-esteem, you will recognize the dazzling person that you are. You will then spread that brilliance back to the world and you discover that there are many people who love you. You will then never feel unloved again.

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The Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem. This chapter aims to highlight symptoms that may be indicative of having low self-esteem. It does not mean that experiencing any of these symptoms conclusively indicates a struggle with low self-esteem. Just like having a cough and a sore throat doesn't necessarily mean you have COVID-19. It could be a common cold, strep throat or another ailment. These clues are just indicators that you may be dealing with the potential of having it. If you find yourself resonating with some of these traits, there's no cause for panic. Many individuals encounter these challenges at different points in their lives. Understanding these symptoms is crucial for your emotional well-being. Awareness will help you navigate these feelings, cultivating a greater understanding of what you need to do to maintain happiness in your life.

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1. Imposter syndrome. This is when you doubt your skills, talents and accomplishments and you have a fear of being exposed as a fraud. It affects individuals across various stages of their careers and expertise levels. The term syndrome can sometime imply a more severe or clinical condition, but imposter syndrome is not a mental disorder. Rather, it is a psychological pattern of self-doubt and fear of being exposed to fraud, despite evidence of competence. The syndrome is not relevant for someone who is just in the beginning of a new path in life because you may really be a bit of an imposter. The syndrome of being an imposter is relevant for someone who is just average in their school level or someone who is at the top of their game, but you would call an expert in their field.

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Comedians often grapple with the challenge of taking the stage wondering if the audience will think their material is funny. It's only once they hear genuine laughter from the audience that their self-assurance begins to resurface. Once they hear genuine laughter from the audience that their self-assurance begins to resurface. Quarterback attorneys may have doubt in presenting arguments before a judge. Their confidence may waver initially, but as they present their case their self-assurance tends to strengthen. It also may be the rookie quarterback who was a star in college and now struggles in the professional league. They may be an excellent quarterback, but the intensely higher speed of the professional game versus college is too much for them. The combination of imposter syndrome and the quickness of the game lends to the fact that few rookies are able to reach their potential. This is also one of the reasons that so few rookie quarterbacks can start in the National Football League or why evaluators of talent have such a difficult time drafting successful quarterbacks.

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It may be a female model who feels like she's ugly and does not like herself. Evaluators of talent have such a difficult time drafting successful quarterbacks. It may be a female model who feels like she is ugly and does not like herself. No-transcript yet never acknowledge your existence or anyone else in your social circle. Although she was always called stuck-up, she might have been exceptionally shy or struggled with low self-esteem. Your perception of her beauty likely shaped assumptions about her confidence, whereas if she were merely average-looking, you might not have labeled her a stuck-up and probably would have never given her a moment of your thoughts. It may be you who is an expert in something, but you may even struggle to gain confidence because you think you may be a fake. It is only when you have done something over and over for many years when you feel confident that you are not phony. It is when you have positive self-esteem that you clearly recognize that you know what you are doing without feeling that you are an imposter.

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Occasionally, experiencing a touch of imposter syndrome can be a catalyst for achieving skills beyond comprehension, even if they are considered at the pinnacle of one's field. There's a compelling argument that suggests this is essential for those regarded as the greatest of all time. Despite Tom Brady getting his fifth Super Bowl victory, which sealed his legacy as the GOAT the greatest of all time, he may have grappled with imposter syndrome. This sense of self-doubt could have propelled him to elevate his game, to unpress it at the levels to find age norms and secure a remarkable sixth and seventh Super Bowl ring, a feat once deemed unattainable. Michael Jordan consistently faced challenges throughout his career, starting from the disappointment of being cut from the varsity high school basketball team to being labeled a below-average defender after his rookie year in the NBA. Whether you label it a chip on the shoulder or a touch of imposter syndrome, that motivating factor propelled Michael Jordan to relentlessly practice, ultimately leading him to become not only the greatest basketball player in history, but the best defender the game has ever seen, which may irk some people, because without the defender status, he'd still be considered a goat.

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Imposter syndrome tends to be the most damaging when you find yourself in the middle of the talent spectrum. It's often when you're merely averaging a particular area that imposter syndrome can negatively impact your self-esteem. Here are five tools to get over imposter syndrome. Number one set realistic goals, because you don't have to accomplish everything all at once. The race to the finish line isn't won by the first person out of the gate. It is slow, steady, consistent work that will improve your talents and skills. If you're a rookie in anything, you'll have to slowly get over imposter syndrome. If you are average as far as talent, set realistic goals and you won't have to deal with imposter syndrome.

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If you are a superstar, already use the imposter syndrome you feel to get even better and to surpass what may be already recognized as great. You are already an outlier, so don't let it bother you too much. Number two define what success means to you, because if you don't, someone else will do it for you. Then you may have been successful in life and completely missed it. This will help you avoid imposter syndrome. Number three stay away from toxic competitions where winning is so important. Michael Jordan only won six championships out of 15 seasons. Were those other nine seasons a failure? Of course not. You will not win most of the time, so don't feel like an imposter if you don't win or not.

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Number one in your field. Number four don't rely exclusively on external validation for your self-esteem. Have confidence that you are an expert in what you are doing, even if no one else recognizes it. Number five don't let your job define who you are as a person. Unless your job is so meaningful beyond the financial reward that you want it to define, you Set limits and boundaries to avoid overworking. Maybe you feel like you are not qualified for your job and feel like you are an imposter. Understand this is just how you make a living, not the person you are to your friends, family and loved ones. Your job should define what you do for a living, not who you are.

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Once refrained from boasting about personal achievements and attribute success to others whenever feasible, this concept reflects the virtue of humility. Practicing humility serves as a powerful antidote to imposter syndrome, fostering an awareness that one's skills and talents are bestowed gifts that one utilizes to the best of their ability. Picture a scenario where a member of an elementary school PTA single-handedly puts together a highly successful fundraiser. Instead of taking all the credit, she praises the other board members despite them doing very little. This act of humility involves reducing the focus on herself, acknowledging the efforts of others.

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Someone with the highest levels of self-esteem does not worry about receiving accolades. Rather, your humility signifies a mindset that allows one to share credit without seeking recognition. Being humble is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking less about yourself. When one has strong self-esteem, the need to claim the credit diminishes and a willingness to share the honor will increase, even when everyone knows that the project succeeded because of one person. Individuals with strong self-esteem opt to distribute credit, potentially inspiring others to take on more responsibilities in the future. With this in mind, recognizing imposter syndrome as a symptom of low self-esteem, one can learn to deflect praise and realize that any feeling of being a fake is not justified. This is Coach Radner at the Living in Clarity Podcast.