The 10 Commandments of Marriage: #5-Respect Your Spouse

Respect is the cornerstone of any thriving relationship, but how often do we truly understand its depth? Imagine transforming your marriage simply by shifting how you show respect to your partner. Join me, Coach Ratner, as we unpack the fifth commandment of marriage: Respect your spouse. Drawing compelling parallels with the commandment to honor your parents, we’ll explore how this principle is akin to our relationship with God. Through a captivating story of a woman in Jerusalem and practical day-to-day advice, you'll discover why men crave respect as much as women prioritize love – and how hitting the right balance can revolutionize your marriage.

In this episode, you'll gain valuable insights on observing your partner's interactions with others as a true measure of their character. We'll also highlight the importance of respecting in-laws and siblings, even if you don’t always see eye to eye. For those women struggling to respect their husbands, learn the magic of treating them with respect first to cultivate behaviors worthy of it. From the nuances of setting the dinner table to heartfelt conversations that build mutual respect, you’ll walk away with actionable tips to strengthen the foundation of your marriage. Don’t miss this eye-opening discussion that promises to enhance the respect and love in your relationship.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Clarity Podcast. This is Coach Ratner, and we are continuing our series on the Ten Commandments of Marriage. Number five honor your parents. And what is the fifth commandment of the marriage commandments Respect your spouse. Why are they similar? Because a relationship with parents is like a relationship with God. Without both of them, without our parents and without God, we wouldn't be here, and when we show disrespect to our parents, it's like we're showing disrespect to God. So how do we respect our spouse? You know one of the three questions that a person must ask before they get married. This is for a woman, not for a man. They must ask him do I respect my spouse?

Speaker 1: 0:48

I was coaching a woman a while back here in Jerusalem and she was dating this guy and she really loved him. They'd been dating for two years, he sounded great and she had a problem. I don't know the reason why she's talking with me, because there's an issue. If people are in a great relationship, they're not talking to me, which is really funny because I've mentioned that the average Fortune 500 company spends a few hundred million dollars a month on consultants, because consultants help their bottom line. Yet when do marriages, when do spouses, get help in the relationship? When do they ask for consultants Only when things are going wrong, not when things are going right, and by then sometimes it's too late to fix it. So you really I highly recommend that every single person have a dating coach, a marriage coach, a rabbi, a rep, someone that is very insightful into relationships, because it's really hard to do this on your own.

Speaker 1: 1:48

So respect for a man is very, very important. You know, it's funny if you're a woman, you're dating a guy, how you can tell how he's going to be respectful is how he treats other people Not how he treats you, but how he treats the waiters someone lower than him on the social scale. And if you see him treating the waiter bad, you should definitely run away. Respect is so important, even a spouse respecting their in-laws or their brothers and sisters. They don't have to like them, they don't have to get along with them, but they still have to respect them.

Speaker 1: 2:22

Making fun of them is one of the no-nos of a relationship. When some guy is making fun of them is one of the no-nos of relationship. When some guy is making fun of his wife's parents or making fun and I've done it. Listen, I wasn't perfect Sometimes we need to make fun of because they're older and you're young and hip and cool and they're not. But you have to respect them. I figured that out because my parents, my in-laws, are a very important part of my wife's life. I love them. Thank God, I did great getting great in-laws.

Speaker 1: 2:51

But respect is very important for a man. Now, women need respect also. They should both respect each other. But women need love more than they need respect. They need both, but love is probably more important, while for a man, respect is crucial. We are very simple people. We need three things we need food, we need sex and we need respect. Everything else is pretty much extra.

Speaker 1: 3:22

So sometimes I hear from women they say you know, I can't respect my husband. He does nothing, he sits around the house, and my rep is Lori Platt, who taught me treat a man like you, respect him. Treat a man with respect and he will become a man you respect. Treat him like a man you respect and he will become a man you respect, which means you need to find something to respect him for. For example, if he sits around all day on the couch and doesn't help clean the kitchen, doesn't help cook meals, doesn't help set the table, as a wife you can go say to him you know, honey, thank you so much for staying out of the kitchen so I can spend 12 hours preparing for Shabbat without you bothering me. Okay, maybe that's not great, but if he asks to set the table and you don't want him to because you know he does it not in the right way, it's a little bit messy you have to let him do it. Let him set the table and, when he's not looking, fix the table the way you like it, because men need the way you like it. Men need to be respected. It's so hard, it's so important for us.

Speaker 1: 4:30

If a man works for you know, is a president of a company on Wall Street, he comes home where everyone bows down to him at work, and he comes home and his wife doesn't respect him, that relationship is not going to work, just won't. It'd be very difficult If you're dating some guy and he comes home from work he plays with Lionel Trains in his basement for three hours and you don't respect that and you like everything else about him. But you know, I don't respect that and you think it's going to change. You're going to have a hard time in your relationship. Or if you want a guy who works and makes a lot of money and he wants to learn colo, study Torah all the time for a few years. You know you don't respect that. You're going to have a hard time.

Speaker 1: 5:15

Husbands should always respect his wife. He does that through learning the four A's which we're going to talk about throughout the whole series Attention, affection, appreciation and awareness. Always pay attention to his wife. Will he show appreciation for her Affection? Affection is not just physical, it's also how you speak and the awareness of her needs. So a man must respect his wife also. But for a woman to respect her husband, it is critical that she respects him.

Speaker 1: 5:53

And I'm going to end with an idea that really works for me, that I learned from my revisit also. So when I come home from work or from learning or whatever I'm doing I haven't been gone all day and I walk into the house, my wife will be on the phone and I'll hear her say Sarah, my husband just walked in. I have to get off the phone now, click Hi, honey. I'm telling you that is a game changer for me. I love it. I love it when my wife does that, because it shows I am the most important thing in her life that she stops everything she's doing.

Speaker 1: 6:27

By the way, when I was back in living in Bethesda, roxville area in Maryland, sometimes my wife would be talking to Israel and I come in and she'd say I can't talk to you. I'm talking to Israel, I understand. Or she's talking to her father who just had an operation, whatever it is. I understand, but she's making the point to tell me that I am the most important thing in the room, but she can't get off the phone now. So it doesn't have to be every day.

Speaker 1: 6:53

And, by the way, it's really funny, my wife doesn't talk on the phone, she's faking it and I know she's faking it and I don't care. That's how important it is for me to be feel respected in a relationship, for my wife not to talk back at me, for my wife not to criticize me in public or in private, but, more important, in public. These things are all about respect, and when a man feels respected, he's going to feel like the king and he's going to want to make her happy, and when he makes her going to want to make her happy, and when he makes her happy, she'll make him happy. So that's the fifth commandment of marriage. The Torah wanted to honor your parents and the marriage wanted to respect your spouse. Hope you enjoyed this episode of the Living Clarity Podcast. If you liked it, please leave a comment. I need comments, likes, saves, whatever else you can do there. I'm not really sure and I hope to see you soon. Thanks so much.